random things that drunks ask

1. You gonna finish those fries?
2. Are you laughing as much as I'm laughing?
3. What happened to my goldfish food?
4. What's that smell?
5. Is that me?
6. Which way to the bathroom?
7. What's this genie doing in my beer bottle?
8. Who won the World Series tomorrow?
9. Why does this taste like grass?
10. Is Jesus in the phone book?
11. How much you want for those shoelaces?
12. Is this a split infinitive or a dangling modifier?
13. Whatever happened to Circuit City?
14. Really, man, which way to the bathroom?
15. Why does this toilet paper package have a puppy on it?
16. Did you see that?
17. Is it hot in here, or is... the thermostat... me... ... ?
18. What was the name of that one hot girl who sat behind me in choir class, you know, in high school?
19. ?!
20. Will Dr. Phil and Oprah ever get back together?
21. When did it stop raining?
22. Could you hold this while I try on a cape?
23. Have you seen my escargot?
24. Do you ever get the feeling that we're all like insects in some gigantic terrarium?
25. Who did your tiling?


[161st in a series]

questions people ask about calcium

1. Am I getting enough calcium in my diet soda?
2. Does calcium play a role in global warming?
3. What pop songs mention calcium?
4. What is the Japanese word for calcium deposits on your gums?
5. Does the IRS offer a calcium tax deduction?
6. How many people work on a calcium ranch?
7. Is my region threatened by the rise in calcium-related violence?
8. Will calcium increase in value in the fiscal quarter?
9. Who loves calcium more: Democrats or Republicans?
10. Calcium: overrated?




[160th in a series]

where to get your random questions answered

This blogger is an expert in crafting random questions--and pretty good at answering them. But where do you go when your random question needs a forthright, efficient, speedy reply? Try "AskMetaFilter," Slate's Michael Agger argues:

For example, last October, the user "Hands of Manos" posed the following query: "How can I be less cynical?" He went on to explain, "I hate most movies, I lost faith in the God I was raised to believe in as a child and I find very little joy in most things now a days" and noted, "My wife is pissed because I'm so negative and doubtful of everything."

Thoughtful replies were posted immediately, with suggestions ranging from volunteering to banjo playing to avoiding "emotionally toxic" people to reading David McCullough's book on John Adams to looking at a blog that collects examples of how the world is getting better all the time....

Not all AskMeFi questions plumb such depths.... But the questions are all united by having received helpful answers, usually written in complete sentences. This is a small miracle. Where are the personal attacks, the one-word putdowns, the LOLs, the mocking, the off-topic rants? Well, they get deleted.

To understand how AskMeFi encourages valuable typed conversation, I spoke with Jessamyn West, a noted rural librarian and one of the moderators at MetaFilter. From her home base in the center of Vermont, she spends a lot of time each day pruning and cultivating the threads at AskMeFi. Her ground rules are simple: "You have to answer the question. It doesn't matter how funny your joke is, we're going to remove it. Wisecracks don't help solve problems." She says that some members of the MeFi community feel that AskMeFi is too rigid, not playful enough, but West believes in keeping things goal-focused and civil: "It's a living room, a clubhouse, please don't come poop on our floor."

Well, it's certainly not Wikipedia or--horrors--Yahoo! Answers.

hard questions to ask a girl

Anyone can ask easy questions. But you want tough questions, questions that will dazzle your date.

Each question will be rated from 1-10, 1 being easiest. Context will be provided as well, so you can employ the question at the right time.

For ultimate success, practice! Try these on someone you know and trust.


Question: What are the last four digits of your social security number?
Difficulty: 2
Context: Opener.


Question: When eating broccoli, it okay to stick with just the florets?
Difficulty: 4
Context: Opener.


Question: What's your take on the whole "dark matter / dark energy" controversy?
Difficulty: 4
Context: Opener. If she offers any kind of answer other than "huh?" she's a keeper.


Question: Should people be held morally responsible for their avatars' behavior?
Difficulty: 5
Context: Raise this query anytime between first meeting online and first meeting in person.


Question: Do you feel lucky? Well, do you, punk?
Difficulty: 5
Context: When s/he opens the door.


Question: Will bees survive the menace of Colony Collapse Disorder?
Difficulty: 6
Context: As you hand over the flowers.


Question: Do mathematical truths exist on their own ontological plane?
Difficulty: 7
Context: On the way to the restaurant. Mind you, only if you're driving. You wouldn't want the distraction otherwise.


Question: If we perchance should breed, and our children turn out rotten, should we mostly blame our bad genetic combination or our poor parenting skills?
Difficulty: 9
Context: Wait until dessert.


[158th in a series]

why do people ask random questions?

Why do people ask random questions? I initially thought of answering this question in my trademark, tongue-in-cheek style, but then I realized that people deserve to know why randomness is so darn interesting. (Consider, for example, Slate's attempt to figure out the origin of the "25 random things about me" meme.)

Random questions are primarily social in nature. They can...

1. Impress the asked with the cleverness of the asker.
Probably their primary purpose, if we're honest. Random questions are spiritually akin to the pick-up line.

2. Fill awkward gaps in conversation.
This is the reason we use to convince ourselves or others that #1 isn't our true motivation.

3. Open up new spaces for seeing another's personality.
It's not all about narcissism. Random questions are a kind of cultural shorthand for the new millennium. Their popularity springs from the ubiquity of instant conversation, whether in chat rooms or on social networking websites. They're used as icebreakers on dating / match sites, as introductions to profiles on blogs.

4. Be used as an evaluative tool by potential employers.
Job interviewers like to mix in a random question from time to time, combining the purposes of #1 and #3 above. The interviewer wants to know whether the applicant is creative, thinks quickly on her feet, and has an interesting personality. For example, if you were to be asked, "If you could be any insect, which would you choose?" there's no right or wrong insect. (Okay, "cockroach" is probably wrong.) Whether you wish you could be a cicada or a mantis, the point of the question is for you to create a meaningful response out of the randomness. Good answer: "An ant, because I believe in tirelessly working together with my colleagues to increase profits." Bad answer: "A bark beetle, 'cause I hate trees."

Bust writer's block.
Answering a random question is sometimes the way out of the slough of despair. For a greater challenge, try writing your own truly random questions. It's not easy.

Facilitate learning.
I use random questions for speech or essay or discussion prompts. The process of merely creating the questions, whether individually or collectively, can itself be educational.

Be used in field sobriety tests.
Just kidding. Sort of.



[157th in series]

10 worst questions to ask a girl

1. Is that a mole?
2. Are you pregnant?
3. Wanna see my scar?
4. Why do they call them "Fruit of the Loom?"
5. So, are you seeing anyone?
6. Could you pass the Funyuns?
7. Why are you crying?
8. Could you please pass the Funyuns?
9. Hypothetically, if I told you that you have beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
10. What's your name again?




[153rd in a series]

good questions to ask drunk people

1. What are you doing on my lawn?
2. Trix or Kix?
3. Where are your clothes?
4. Do you want fries with that?
5. Any way out of this Iraq mess?
6. Do you know any other songs?
7. Why are you asking if I'm seeing double?
8. When Jesus makes toast, whose face appears?
9. Why are you crying?
10. So, how about that extended warranty?
11. They injected you with what, where?
12. What are you still doing on my lawn?



[151st in a series]

original questions to ask people

Tired of those pre-packaged lists of random questions? Want to become a tailor of talk, spinning surprising questions out of thin air, seamlessly weaving them into the conversation? Look no further, friend. You've hit up on a list of 15 original questions that, until now, have never been asked. Not ever.

Originality verified by Google. Check for yourself.

1. If Teddy Roosevelt were resurrected tomorrow, would voters be able see past the distracting supernaturalism for the wonder that would be the 21st century Bull Moose Party?
2. Have you ever woken up whistling?
3. Bastard toadflax or creosote bush?
4. What is the longest you've ever had the hiccups?
5. Which superpower could you live without?
6. Are "comeback tours" evidence in favor of euthanasia?
7. If your name anagrammed to "Turd Pan Mold," would you have it legally changed?
8. Which streets are being taken back, exactly?
9. Which Sesame Street character best represents these turbulent times?
10. Do these jeans make me look hip?
11. What's your take on the whole "dark energy" dispute?
12. To keep the stars on the U.S. flag nice and even, which state should be traded for Puerto Rico?
13. How long until farthingales return to popularity?
14. If you could eliminate one random question, which would you choose?
15. Kickboxers or kickbriefs?



[148th in a series]

random questions to ask a girl

Somehow I have become one of the world's foremost authorities on random questions, which obligates me to help searchers improve their conversations with a jolt of the unforeseen. So, for those seeking to impress and entice, here is a list of 30 random questions to ask a girl.

1. What's your name?
2. Who's your daddy?
3. Is he rich like me?
4. What's the frequency, Kenneth?
5. How can I convince you it's me I don't like?
6. How long?
7. How long must we sing this song?
8. How long?
9. How does it feel like to wake up in the sun?
10. How does it feel like to shine on everyone?
11. Who's going to throw the very first stone?
12. Who's going to reset the bone?
13. All the lonely people: where do they all come from?
14. All the lonely people: where do they all belong?
15. When you sleep, where do your fingers go?
16. What do your fingers know?
17. What do your fingers show?
18. Is this love, or should I close the door?
19. How do you afford your rock-and-roll lifestyle?
20. Can't you hear those cavalry drums?
21. Ain't it hard, ain't it hard to want somebody who doesn't want you?
22. Hello, hello, hello, how low?
23. Am I your fire?
24. What's cooler than bein' cool?
25. How you gonna win when you ain't right within?
26. How will I ever get to heaven now?
27. Am I too dumb to refine?
28. Why can't this crazy love be mine?
29. We talked all night, oh, but what the hell did we say?
30. Why wouldn't you waste the afterlife?



[146th in a series]

questions to ask when conversation stops

For those awkward moments, a list of twenty questions that will break the frozen silence.

1. What's that on your face?
2. So... how about those [fill in the blank with local sports franchise]?
3. What would life be like if everything was made out of Nerf?*
4. Is it hot in here, or is it just my imagination?
5. Ever notice that each passing second brings you one step closer to death?
6. What's the French word for "hellraiser?"
7. Which Power Ranger is your favorite?
8. If you could be any kind of fern, which would you choose?
9. Read any good diet books lately?
10. Can you balance a spoon on your nose, like this?
11. Do you find me attractive?
12. If you had a clean shot at assassinating just one dictator, living or dead, who would it be?
13. Have you ever dreamed you were a giant chicken?
14. What was the last time you puked, and why?
15. Where do babies come from?
16. If on the run from the law, which country would you flee to?
17. Would you mind if I recited lines from The Iliad, the Fagles translation?
18. What's your favorite Bruce Willis movie?
19. Is a pet rock really a pet?
20. What did you say?




*Special thanks to Dave, my perpetually stoned chemistry lab partner in 12th grade.




[145th in a series]

even more random questions--58, actually

Compliments of my students.

1. Why do you have to use No. 2 pencils on tests?
2. Chicken or beef?
3. Does your opinion really matter in the world?
4. Which hair color really has the most fun?
5. Why is there so much hate in the world?
6. What is the best kind of dessert?
7. How many roads must a man walk down?
8. How did humans evolve?
9. If school was optional, would you attend?
10. Who is the best superhero?
11. Is it better to be right or to be happy?
12. Why is chocolate so yummy?
13. Has technology gotten to the point where humans are destroying themselves?
14. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
15. What is the purpose of shoes?
16. What's the best pizza topping?
17. Are colorblind people really colorblind, or is everyone else?
18. Why do rabbits have long ears?
19. Why are we so obsessed with celebrities?
20. Who's the best baseball player of all time?
21. Did OJ do it?
22. What's the purpose of mosquitoes?
23. Why do people walk on two feet?
24. What's the best instrument ever created?
25. Why don't dogs see color?
26. Why are almost all babies born with blue eyes?
27. Why can't we have wings?
28. If you could live anywhere, where would that be?
29. What makes someone a good person?
30. Is destiny real?
31. Can you choose who you love?
32. What does Vitamin A do?
33. What is progress?
34. Why are there six hours of school?
35. What's your opinion of our environmental situation?
36. Why is there life?
37. What if the world had less gravity?
38. What is education?
39. Should trans fat be legal?
40. Why do people procrastinate?
41. If you could swim in a tub of anything, what would it be?
42. How's your life right now?
43. How would you solve the national debt?
44. Which is better: gummy bears, or gummy worms?
45. Which U.S. state is best?
46. Is Bigfoot real?
47. What were you in a past life?
48. What is the best candy in the world?
49. Why do people bite their nails?
50. Gatorade or water?
51. Will we ever find a cure for AIDS?
52. What is beauty?
53. Is there a way to be in two places at once?
54. What is the best piece of clothing?
55. How do you describe color?
56. Which brand of computers is best?
57. Who should win the presidency in 2008?
58. What is love?

the questions just keep on comin'

How appropriate: on PZ's 50th, one of the most popular posts on this blog turns fifty questions old. Oh, and what is silent turnip, anyway?

questions to ask randomly

You might think that "random questions" and "questions to ask randomly" are the same. But then, you probably think that Pepsi and Coke are the same, too, which shows how much you know. (That means you know nothing. This parenthetical is included for your enlightenment.)

Random questions are questions that pop out of nowhere, conversation starters. Questions to ask randomly, though, are purposeful. They are meant to stop, rather than start, conversation, and to invite silent reflection, or at least silence.

Some sample questions to ask randomly are listed below.

1. Which phenomenologist are you aping?
2. What would that mean in a world without verbs?
3. What would it take to convince you otherwise?
4. What's that on your face?
5. What if a libertarian won the presidency?
6. How would that work as a motto for a fledgling nonprofit?
7. Which movie is that from?





[131st in a series]

very random questions to ask people

Apparently, random isn't random enough. So, I present to you the Random Question Generator. Simply insert a word from each column, feeling free to double up on the SETUP and insert any necessary objects, modifiers, or articles, and with little rearrangement and a lot of pluck, you've got a very random question to ask someone.

Random Question Generator

SETUP	Noun	Verb
WHO	Monkey(s)	Smite(s)
WHAT	Joy(s)	Usurp(s)
WHEN	Trailer(s)	Pilfer(s)
WHERE	Wisdom	Dunk(s)
WHY	Cheese(s)	Applaud(s)
HOW DO / DOES or HOW IS / ARE	Uzbekistan	Bite(s)
DOES / DO	Attitude(s)	Swoon(s)
CAN	Hexagon(s)	Topple(s)
SHOULD	Pi	Dance(s)
IS / ARE	Moron(s)	Backslide

Sample questions:
Can cheese applaud?
Should monkeys dance?
How does a moron dunk?
Why does Uzbekistan backslide?
Who topples pi?



[130th in a series]

inquiring minds want to know

The list of unanswered (unanswerable?) questions just keeps growing.

random questions to ask people

This is a search terms two-fer. First, the title is a search term. Second, the questions are all search terms that led to my site. I'll add others as they arrive.



1. Who saw the brontosaurus enter the restaurant?
2. What is the name of Jesus's religion?
3. Does Safeway sell jujubes?
4. Dear Lord, are you there?
5. Does the policeman hunt mad people?
6. What if everything was designed?
7. How do I erase all adult content?
8. Did Jesus meet with the Buddha?
9. Was Judas so bad?
10. Why did Jesus choose disciples?
11. Does Weinhard's rootbeer have caffeine?
12. Why weren't cells recognized before the 17th century?
13. What's another name for the ruler of the area between pelvis and knee?
14. Can astrologists be wrong?
15. How is a vortex made?
16. Is Jim Neighbors gay?
17. Is toilet papering trees a crime in Washington state?
18. What is Iggy Pop's religion?
19. Is Ramtha BS?
20. What do you wear under a toga?
21. Did Jesus meet Buddha?
22. What does micro-organism mean?
23. Why is Jesse Barnes called the light painter?
24. Is a Ph.D. worth it?
25. How long do you smoke steaks?
26. Has the problem of left-handed chirality been solved?
27. How's the weather in Lincoln?
28. How does God decide who goes to heaven?
29. Does heaven exist behind black holes?
30. Why do pandas need such a large intake of food?
31. Is talk of God reasonable?
32. If you marry in Nevada, is it recognized in Washington?
33. What is something bad about Mexico?
34. Do ravens recognize crows?
35. How do you pronounce "portmanteau?"
36. What happened to the disciple Thaddeus after Jesus' death?
37. What is human nature, and what is its origin?
38. What does a policeman do?
39. Can you sing Ave Maria in an evangelical church?
40. What's wrong with Evian water?
41. When are we going to meet poems?
42. What is a good title for a kool-aid science project?
43. How can I dress like a girl nerd for nerd-day?
44. Are you a flat tire disciple?
45. Did John Elway's sister smoke cigarettes?
46. What does God say about acne?
47. Should you wear a shirt under a toga?
48. Why do clouds follow you?
49. What makes globalization possible?
50. What is silent turnip?
51. What's the difference between a pimple and a boil?
52. Is God a micro-manager?
53. Why does the intake of food affect people differently?
54. How can identical twins be so different?
55. Is China favoured by the Antichrist?
56. How can the brain know when it's in love?
57. Why does Buddha have long ears?
58. Whatever happened to Bill Pullman?
59. How stupid is a caveman?
60. What is Emeril Lagasse's religion?
61. What does a policeman do?
62. Does Willy Wonka have attention deficit disorder?
63. Why aren't you allowed to eat your own blood?
64. Is cursive going out of style?
65. Can you eat cougar meat?
66. What are the addictive chemicals in fast food?
67. How does a cougar go to the bathroom?
68. Why are cat ladies weird?
69. Are rabbits allowed to eat potato skins?


[120th in a series]

50 random questions

I like my list better, but this is the "real" list popping up all over LiveJournal and MySpace.

(For the correct answers, click "read more.")

1. Your name spelled backwards.
Eman Ruoy.

2. Where were your parents born?
Just outside the womb.

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
This question-generating password-stealing life-destroying sinus-congesting virus.

4. What's your favorite restaurant?
What's your favorite restaurant, huh? Huh?

5. Last time you swam in a pool?
Last time I swam in a pool what?

6. Have you ever been in a school play?
"No Exit." Directed and starred.

7. How many kids do you want?
Are we talking goat kids or human kids?

8. Type of music you dislike most?
Yours.

9. Are you registered to vote?
In three states.

10. Do you have cable?
If you've a pulley.

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
If I had, I'd never admit it.

12. Ever prank call anybody?
I prefer wasting people's time with pointless conversation starters.

13. Ever get a parking ticket?
They drive on parkways.

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
I spit upon your false dichotomy.

15. Furthest place you ever traveled?
All the way from the foul line to the hoop. I am Tiger Woods.

16. Do you have a garden?
Chiaroscuro.

17. What's your favorite comic strip?
A.D.

18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
I wrote them.

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
Yes, yes, yes, yes.

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month?
MySpace or Yours: A Cautionary Tale

21. Favorite pizza topping?
Potato skins.

22. Chips or popcorn?
Potato skins.

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
Delectable.

24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
With alder or hickory on medium heat for eight hours or until the meat falls off the bone.

25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
My life is a beauty pageant.

26. Orange or Apple juice?
Cranberry. I still despise your dichotomies, you narrow-minded nabob.

27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine?
Ronaldinho, at a tiny Vienamese noodle house on the south side.

28. Favorite type chocolate bar?
I am allergic to chocolate, you insensitive clod.

29. When was the last time you voted at the polls?
When Dewey defeated Truman in '48.

30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
The last time I stole into my neighbor's garden.

31. Have you ever won a trophy?
Most Likely to Fritter, 1996-present.

32. Are you a good cook?
Is Emeril Lagasse a good cook? If yes, then yes, because I'm Emeril Lagasse. If no, then yes, because you are a provincial boob, and I am Emeril Lagasse.

33. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Speak to my attorney.

34. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
You never get just one article. That's the entire point of an infomercial.

35. Sprite or 7-Up?
Sierra Mist?

36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
They called it an institute, or institution, I can't remember.

37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
A duck call.

38. Ever throw up in public?
I'm about to.

39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
I'd prefer having a perfect grasp of English grammar.

40. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Ever since I first saw a mirror.

41. Ever call a 1-900 number?
Sierra Mist?

42. Can exes be friends?
Some things take geologic time.

43. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
Myself, in an unforgettable out-of-body experience.

44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
I am a mammal. So are you, I'm guessing.

45. What message is on your answering machine?
"If you like more options, press one."

46. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?
Gumby, dammit.

47. What was the name of your first pet?
Do any of these questions seem like the ones you're supposed to answer when you've forgotten your password? Don't answer them, okay?

48. What is in your purse?
Potato skins.

49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
Speak to my attorney.

50. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
These questions. They've made me reconsider nearly every aspect of my life, and discover that I'm not nearly as big a loser as a lot of people I know.


[103rd in a series]

50 random questions people ask

1. Are we there yet?
2. Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?
3. Which way to the emergency exit?
4. Does this make me look fat?
5. Can God make a bathtub so big He can't bathe in it?
6. Parlez-vous Français?
7. Why hasn't my check arrived yet?
8. How many fingers am I holding up?
9. Where do bad folks go when they die?
10. Why do we park on driveways and drive on freeways?
11. Who shot Mr. Burns?
12. What time is it?
13. Can I go to the bathroom?
14. May I go to the bathroom?
15. Does this hurt?
16. Will you marry me?
17. Whose fault is that?
18. I know you are, but what am I?
19. What's for dinner?
20. Why did the chicken cross the road?
21. Are you almost done?
22. Could you point that the other way?
23. Mind if I play through?
24. Are you going to eat all of that?
25. Don't I know you from somewhere?
26. How do I convert degrees to radians?
27. Could you please pass the salt?
28. What's that scent you're wearing?
29. Which floor?
30. Paper or plastic?
31. Did Adam and Eve have navels?
32. Who are you?
33. Could you repeat that?
34. If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?
35. Why is water wet?
36. What are the seven wonders of the world?
37. Is it in you?
38. What are you looking at?
39. Gotta light?
40. What would Jesus do?
41. Where's Waldo?
42. If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make foghorns out of?
43. What's that smell?
44. Where's the beef?
45. Is tabletop fusion a pipe dream?
46. Are you listening to me?
47. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
48. Shaken or stirred?
49. Why is six afraid of seven?
50. What was the question?




[eighty-eighth in a series]