Dec 19, 2007

the unnamed heir of the mother of all top ten lists

[An annual tradition. Installments from 2004, 2005, and 2006 also available.]

Top Ten Top Ten Lists
Worst gadgets of 2007.
Save yourself a load of cash and grief.

Worst Band Names of '07
More than ten. Far more than enough. (Blue language alert.)

Top 10 Stylish Celebs
The people you should, can, and will imitate.

Slate's ten most popular stories.
This is what people want to know. This is what people want to know?

Most Fascinating Urinals
If you've never entered a men's room, here's a sneak peak at some of the best.

Top Ten Most Wanted Fugitives
He's still on the list?

Top Ten Worst Christmas Cracker Jokes Ever
Josh, help me understand.

Top Ten Wildlife Conservation Success Stories of 2007
Because all is not gloom and despair.

Top Ten Unfounded Health Scares of 2007
Itself an annual tradition, and for good reason.

Top 50 Top 10 lists!
Take that!

Still More Top Ten Lists That Don't Exist
vowel clusters
reasons to remove that stump already
null sets
Oingo-Boingo hits
cattle futures
gender-ambiguous aliases
ivory-tower all-stars
hors d'oeuvres
moments in miming

Best Films I Saw in 2007, in No Particular Order Except the First Two
No Country for Old Men
Hot Fuzz
The Simpsons Movie
Superbad / Knocked Up
The Bourne Ultimatum
The Host

Films I'd See in a Heartbeat
Live Long and Die Prosperous
Shrek The Last, Promise
Lions Over Lambs at 8:1
Georgia Rulz, LOL
The Astronaut Warmer
Nancy Sketched
I Am Legend, Hear Me Roar
Things We Looted After The Fire
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Low Down No Good Dirty Rotten Stinking Yellow Bellied Chicken Robert Ford

Scientific Advances Due To Intelligent Design Theory
February: "Specified Complexity Is Great For You and Me" tops the Billboard chart for its third straight week.
March: Michael Behe shaves.
April: Somewhere, someone reads Of Pandas and People and snickers.
May: ID's poster-organism, Cdesign proponentsists, is honored with a collectible stamp.
August: Gravity is disproved, once and for all.
November: William A. Dembki's foray into videography is well-received.
December: John M. Lynch recants Darwinism, vowing to enter a monastery.

Top Ten Multimedia Postings on This Here Blog
a portrait of the blogger as a young boy
fungi and friends
photos of Westport, Grayland beaches
a hunka hunka burnin' car
Yellowstone photos, and nothing but

to watch would be a crime
there is only shared culture
some call it rugby
an Off! night for Joba Chamberlain
my faith in American public education is restored

Top Ten Presidents Who Could Never Be Elected in 2008
George Washington (insufficient governing experience)
Thomas Jefferson (problematic personal life)
Andrew Jackson (successfully rid nation of debt)
Millard Fillmore (Whig)
Abraham Lincoln (too much facial hair)
Warren G. Harding (had no nickname)
Calvin Coolidge (too quiet)
Herbert Hoover (unfortunate last name)
John F. Kennedy (vulnerable to Swift Boat treatment)
George W. Bush (ran out of terms)

Top Ten Things to Look Forward To in 2008
National Board certification: done--maybe even passed.
The Celtics: NBA champs.
Melissa's college degree: attained.
CHS Cougar football: state-bound.
Rubik's Cube The Movie: in development.
Late-breaking cold: conquered.
Tom Tancredo: retired.
The Mariners: less moribund.
The school year: awesome.
Time: dilated.

1 comment:

TheTachyix said...

I remember, when Hugh Laurie hosted SNL, that he promised a night full of, "confusing puns with little comedic payoff." That seems about right.

Here is something better though.