"wear it humbly"

In my time, I have twice grown a full beard, once for a competition, and once for a fundraiser. My barbaric exploits are nothing, though, compared to those of young Burke Kenny, beard champion at 26:

The 26-year-old Olympia resident recently returned from the World Beard and Mustache Championships in Trondheim, Norway, where he took first place in the "full beard with styled mustache" category. He won the same title four years ago in England, when he became the youngest international facial-hair champion....

The international competition featured about 20 categories. The Americans brought home six gold medals, and four of those were grown by men from Washington state, Kenny said. Besides Kenny, they were Bruce Roe of Bremerton, who won for Hungarian mustache; Craig "Rooty" Lundvall of the Everett area, who won for full beard natural; and Keith "Ghandi Jones" Haubrich of Seattle, who won the freestyle mustache category.

What is it that makes the Evergreen State such a haven for bearded folk? Could it be the 58-degree rainy weather in July?

handsome in pink

Everybody knows that baby boys wear pink and baby girls wear blue.

Right?








[via Maggie Koerth-Baker]

fashion rules for teachers and school administrators

Ignore these at your peril, teachers and administrators.

Compliments of an office student aide.

1. No dress shirts / ties with cargo pants.

2. NO cowboy boots under any circumstances.

3. No navy blue + black together.

4. NO school fleece vest with nice clothes.

5. No "Ferrari" shoes.

6. NO purple velvety shirts. EVER.

7. No tucking your glasses into your shirt!

Thankfully, I have never violated any of these. Nor been tempted to.

"...because I have big thighs..."

When a kilt-wearing postman named Dean Peterson tries to freshen up the official USPS wardrobe, but has to run the change past conservative leadership first, who wins?

Says Brooks Bennett, executive board member of the letter-carriers union in Washington state, "In Washington and Oregon, I guess we like to see ourselves as being progressive. Things get a hearing here that might not in other places."

But at the national convention, reception was frosty from the decision-makers. At one point, Peterson was so nervous that he mistakenly said "UPS" when he meant "USPS," for United States Postal Service. That got him roundly booed.

The committee in charge of the resolution nixed the kilts, saying there wasn't much demand for them.

Peterson says it was the older members — "the fuddy-daddies," he calls them — who didn't like the kilts. He says he could see them staring at him as he wore a kilt on the convention floor.

"All you could see was dirty looks."

He vows to return with his resolution at the next national convention in 2010.

So, who wins? Why, parliamentary procedure, of course.

teaching fashion rules

Dr. Pezz considers teacher fashion:

Does attire affect student behavior (positively or negatively)? Can attire affect job performance? I know one student who said he doesn’t like teachers who wear ties and sports jackets because he thinks they’re too separate from his world; he can’t relate to them. Another student said she doesn’t respect a teacher who dresses every day as if on vacation; she wants to learn from an expert who dresses the part.

Do you have dress codes? Are there unspoken rules for attire? What do you think?

There are rules. Oh, are there ever rules.

1. Never wear sweatpants. Ever. Not even if you're a gym coach. Sweatpants went out with--forget that. Sweatpants were never in.
2. Never, never, never, never, never, never wear sweatpants. Not ever.
3. A suit is probably pushing it. Elbow patches? Who are you, Professor 'Enry 'Iggins?
4. Jeans once a week. Maybe twice.

Don't worry. There are more.



[Ties, repeats both, found here.]

skepticism: always in style

This week's Skeptics' Circle (#68) is neatly laid out and clearly organized. For some reason, though, this photo sits at the top, and is never explained.

I've done a little digging: there's more where it came from. Click through only if you possess a cast-iron stomach.

the ugliest shoe

Meghan O'Rourke explains the mysterious allure of Crocs.

As fans will tell you, Crocs aren't just footwear; they're the closest thing to religion that the foot has experienced. The company's stock has skyrocketed in value over the past year, and Crocs is now poised to launch a new product line this fall. Yet Crocs are heinous in appearance. A Croc is not a shoe; it is a Tinkertoy on steroids. How did this peculiar shoe-manqué achieve ubiquity—and can it possibly stick around?

Short answers: fluoridated water, and no, thank God.

Heelys: the latest menace

We prohibit skateboards, and frown on running in the halls, but somehow we haven't gotten around to banning Heelys at CHS--surprising, given public education's usual approach to liability. Heelys are hell on wheels.

Nine-year-old Noah Woelfel of Davidsonville, Md., wasn't a novice but still tripped and fell, breaking several fingers and wrist bones in his right hand last year.

"All it took was a tiny piece of gravel in the driveway that went up in the wheel and stopped him cold," said his mother, Nancy. "He required surgery and pins, and he was six weeks without using his hand, right at the beginning of school."

Or maybe not:

Heelys in April said a study it commissioned shows that their shoes have a safer injury rate than skateboarding, inline skating and even swimming.

Kids these days. What's next? Pogo pants?

Update: Turns out they're even more dangerous than originally estimated.

when in doubt, throw it out

When you keep dabbing from the same cosmetics, and a horrific rash blooms on your face meat, don't come crying to me.

Microbe growth in makeup can cause skin irritations and infections, explains Paula Begoun, the author of "Don't Go to the Cosmetics Counter Without Me." The worst offenders are liquid cosmetics, which build up bacteria more quickly. Keep mascara for a maximum of three months; other liquids and creams (eyeliner, foundation) for no more than a year. Powders (eye shadow, blush) can be used safely for up to two years.

Click through to learn when to junk mattresses, pillows, perfumes, fire extinguishers and more.

ahead of the curve

Via Obscure Store, from the L.A. Times, a backlash against casual work wear:

The trend toward casual dress has gone so far that Matt Smith, a 27-year-old Century City lawyer, is on a quest to establish "Tie Tuesday." He would like to wear a suit to work but knows he'd be ridiculed. Instead, Smith dons a tie every Tuesday and hopes other men in his office will follow. So far a couple have.

Someone else, though, was there first.

Jim Anderson: pathfinder, trendsetter, trailblazer.

a whole new wooooorrrrld

Why is it that so many earth-shattering discoveries are found in caves in Israel? First the Dead Sea Scrolls, and now this.

proper attire for teaching

I'm a guy, and these tips are for guys. I won't pretend to understand women's fashion.

1. Never wear sweatpants. Ever. Not even if you're a gym coach. Sweatpants went out with--forget that. Sweatpants were never in.
2. Never, never, never, never, never, never wear sweatpants. Not ever.
3. A suit is probably pushing it. Elbow patches? Who are you, Professor 'Enry 'Iggins?
4. Jeans once a week. Maybe twice.
5. If it has a collar, it'd better come matched with an undershirt, or that top button had better be buttoned. No one wants to see your chest flora.
6. Short sleeves and ties do not mix, unless you're a history teacher doing a unit on the dawn of the Information Age.
7. Speaking of ties, ashcan at least 50% of your collection immediately. If you're not sure which should stay and which should go, bring them all into class and let your students choose. Don't be offended if no ties make the cut.
8. Smell everything you wear before you wear it. Promise me you'll do this.
9. When wearing slacks, always wear a belt.
10. Never iron jeans with a crease. I shouldn't have to tell you this.
11. Zippercheck before you leave for school. (If you live in a wintery climate, this is tough to forget.)
12. Never wear sweatpants. You think I'm joking?


[seventy-ninth in a series]

proper casket viewing attire

Threads to Wear

Faux fur says, "No animal died in the making of this funeral." Sassy dressers wear tap shoes or plastic cleats (no spikes!). Henna tattoos of the deceased's initials and birthdate are always in season. If it's Oscar time, a cowboy hat is an absolute must. (But see below about chaps.) For the conservative dresser, a simple mock turtleneck, bold hue, with trim slacks, dark hue, will suffice. Bell bottoms with built-in jingle-bells are haute, haute, haute. Blue jeans must be dark denim, never acid washed or patched or holey. An NFL or MLB or NCAA jersey of the deceased's favorite team is acceptable only in a playoff situation.


Rags to Avoid

Black dresses, suits, and the like stink like yesterday's newspaper--the one you wrapped a stinky dead fish in. A hat of any kind is inappropriate, religious apparel excepted. Chaps, leather especially, should be left by the door... at home. Why are you riding a hog to the funeral, anyway?

Colors to Wear

Burnt sienna, umber, chalk, pastel pink, navy blue, cadet blue, chartreuse, nacho cheese, pine, lavendar, sage, gray, grey, chrome, maroon, camouflage, denim, cornflower blue, Easter egg yellow, mocha (no room for cream).

Tones to Avoid

Eggplant, royal blue, sky blue, Pepto-Bismol pink, orange, fire engine red, fire engine yellow, purple, jaundice, black.




[fifty-sixth in a series]

the horror

Amanda Fortini says what I've been saying to myself (and to my wife, bless her) since I started seeing women dressed up in the worst fashion trend since Hammer pants.

Although it seems like a perfect excuse to reify Elaine's only-imagined urban sombrero...

goodwill hunting

As you already know, the lummox responsible for this blog is a big fan of Goodwill, and, to no one's surprise, also shops at Ross and Marshall's. So you can understand his--my--disappointment upon reading these thrift store shopping tips, printed unthinkingly by The Daily Rag. (I offer my own advice, Onion-style, after Fisking the original.)

NEW YORK -- Vintage and thrift stores can be treasure troves of bargains, but shoppers might need a good map to find them.

No disagreement so far. If you're fond of polyester in all its forms, can tolerate the musty smell of secondhand furniture, love to sculpt in the golf club medium, or collect chipped commemorative mugs, thrift stores are garage sales writ large--provided you remember that half the merchandise there didn't pass muster at a garage sale.

Gina Cohen, a public relations and communications specialist with Savers, an international thrift store chain, offers this guide:
- Work department by department, systematically moving from one side to the other. If you look at the store as a whole, it might seem overwhelming.

This is known as "reductive shopping," which turns some consumers into nihilists who are unable to see the meaning and beauty of the whole in the moldy brokenness of the parts.

- Look for designer labels; you'll have a better sense of what kind of bargain you're getting because you'll likely have some idea of the garment's original price, says Cohen.

That is, unless you're some brand-hating hippie who smokes clove cigarettes wrapped in Adbusters.

All clothing at Savers, for example, is "gently worn," so shoppers shouldn't have to worry about stains or smells.

Stay away from thrift stores if you have a head cold; your nose is an essential instrument. That paisley pullover, no matter how great it looks, won't turn you into Tom Jones if it reeks. (Or maybe it will?)

Children's items often are brand new because youngsters go through everything so quickly and they don't have a chance to wear everything before they become too small.

As infant obesity continues to, well, broaden, expect this trend to continue.

- Pay close attention to the jewelry department. "Sometimes pricers make mistakes and they won't recognize a Tiffany ring," Cohen says.

My guess: if you're shopping at a thrift store, neither will you.

- Shop early in the day before the selection is picked over. "My biggest tip is to be persistent. ... You have to dig! I found a pair of 7 (for All Mankind) jeans, nearly new, for $6," Cohen reports.

Bring along a pick and a shovel. Depending on the state of the plastic thingumbobs aisle, you may have to crash through layers of petrochemical byproducts before striking metaphorical gold.

Sadly, this is where the paper's advice ends. So, dear reader, I offer you even more advice, gratis, as all advice should be.*

1. Bring several small, drooling children along. Let them wander the store, distracting other bargain-questers who might otherwise walk off with only working audiobook copy of Dianetics. No matter what the signs warn, unattended children will not be sold as slaves. This is America.

2. Only buy what you really, really need.

3. Mommy says to look but don't touch!

4. It is considered a crime in most cultures to leave a store empty-handed, even if it means spending twenty cents on a used teether.

5. Goodwill stores often post calendars of savings--all books 20% off on the last Thursday of the month, Red Tag Tuesdays, etc. Snatch all the copies you can off the wall and keep others from finding out. Ignore protests.

6. A penny saved is a penny spent at Goodwill.




*You get what you pay for.

America is doomed: part eighty-two

For three years of my college education, I whiled away the time (and earned a pretty penny) as a member of student government--one year as a senator, two years as student body vice president. We had one major dress code requirement: if we wanted to vote, we had to wear a tie. So, in my general spirit of contrariness, I traipsed over to the local Goodwill and loaded up on the ugliest polyester ties I could find, at a cool fitty cents a pop.

I started building up a collection, and today, as an English teacher, I carry on the tradition of wearing a tacky tie every Tuesday.

Today is the last of the Tacky Tie Tuesdays. As tradition demands, I have brought in my entire collection, allowing students to wear one during class. The gaudy hues, the motley assemblage of browns, oranges, bright pinks, reds, and yellows--a sight to make eyes sore.

Which leads me to today's topic: dressing up, or the lack thereof in American life. I don't have a strong opinion on the topic; I generally show up every day in slacks and a collared shirt, but many of my fellow teachers aren't quite so formal. My students, of course, wear whatever the dress code will let them get away with.

But look at this photo, brought to my attention by Tim Cavanaugh of Reason online. And read a selection from his comments:

Is it too much to ask that Americans try and look presentable when they show up for the President's funeral? Many times last week I heard the old chestnut about how Reagan insisted on wearing a suit whenever he entered the Oval Office. Didn't anybody notice how many of his apparent admirers seem to think Bermudas and a fanny pack are proper attire for a closed-casket viewing that's being televised around the world (even to extremists who believe our country is decadent!)?...

Isn't there a Marshalls in the nation's capital? A Ross Dress for Less? Is it really that much of a burden to pick up a coat and tie on your way to pay your last respects to a beloved president?

Sorry, Tim, but it may be too much to expect from the booboisie.