advice for a freshly-minted protester

Activism is easy. Changing things is hard.

eminently quotable

"I haven't thought about the California Raisins for a long time."

--Mom

Bavasinine

For you, sodden and besotted Mariners fan: a new word.

Bavasinine.

You're welcome.









(Yes, I know his last name is pronounced "Ba-VAY-zee." But it scans well.)

a leftover tie

Two Thanksgiving meals with family. Two or three solid pounds of leftovers. So none of it goes bad, I'm eating as much as I can, every meal, every day this week.

I've started both school days with pie for breakfast. "When you eat pumpkin pie for breakfast," I tell my students, "anything is possible."

Truer than any other maxim I know.



(It's the second blog go-round for this Pilgrim-worthy tie, too.)

plea bargaining sample case: due process Neg

Value: Justice
Inherent in the resolution. (Come up with your own explanation.)

Criterion: Due Process
Since the resolution concerns a formal legal procedure "in the United States," we must consider justice in an American legal framework. "Due process" is the right guaranteed under the 14th amendment to the Constitution, and is the way we best ensure justice has been done. It isn't perfect, but no human system can be. Due process is approaches closest to the asymptote of justice. (If you use that, you'd better quote me.)

C1. Plea bargaining is its own form of due process.
In "Trial by Plea Bargain: Case Settlement as a Product of Recursive Decisionmaking," in Law & Society Review, Vol. 30, No. 2. (1996), Debra Emmelman writes,

Viewed as a component of recursive decisionmaking, plea
bargaining can be seen as including multiple episodes of negotiating behavior as well as a wide range of litigation proceedings. Perhaps most important, plea bargaining and trial can actually be seen to converge: not only are plea bargain negotiations "rehearsals of scenes that participants would be willing to portray before a jury" (Maynard 1984b:114), but pretrial and trial proceedings are oftentimes precursors for case settlement.

C2. Plea bargaining restores balance to a process that presumes innocence.
Emmelman again:

It is important to note here McConville's (1986) contention that trials do not guarantee that truth (or perhaps justice) will prevail. Insofar as adversarial procedures do not guarantee that the guilty will be convicted or the innocent set free, and because our judicial system holds that defendants should be given the benefit of doubt (i.e., presumed innocent until proven guilty), it seems this type of plea bargaining system can ensure justice as much or more than trials.

C3. Specifically, plea bargaining in exchange for testimony further expedites due process.
Not only does one defendant admit culpability and face sentencing, but promises to provide testimony to convict another, permitting either the facilitation of a trial or further incentive for the second defendant to enter a guilty plea.

This is a "trial balloon." Your comments and criticism are welcomed.

Update: In order to halt the spread of misinformation, I deleted a couple of my comments that repeated an incorrect statistic. It screws up the comment thread, but you can still get the gist.

Jim Joyce calls the strikes

We're talking about this Jim Joyce, possible descendant of James Joyce and home plate umpire for today's contest between the White Sox and the Tigers. The guy with the distinct strike call that sounds like a Model T horn kicked in the groin.

definition

Calorie: the basic unit of taste.

it is still possible to be original

Let Google be your guide. Coin a phrase or recast an old coin, Google it to make sure it's fresh, and then share it with the world. Why, just today I thought of two: "crusade against monogamy" and "going to hell in a frybasket."

Be original. Emerson gives you hope, and I give you permission.

the chaos in Ken Jacobsen's brain

State Senator Ken Jacobsen on chaos theory:

"I'm into the theory of chaos. And in the theory of chaos, if this particle exists and this one comes into existence and this one doesn't know that one exists? It still affects the behavior of that one," he said, moving his hands around as if they were giant particles.

Fawning Seattle Times translation:

Jacobsen believes his legislation puts new ideas on the table and creates discussion that can affect the outcome of an issue, even if it takes years for the Legislature to finally act.

Actual translation: Ken Jacobsen needs to study up on chaos theory. Oh, and I suggest a new nickname for the senior Democrat from Seattle: Particle Man.

K-Fed's concert rider

The Smoking Gun, as always, has the scoop. Best zinger: "purported rapper."

In their summary, though, they miss the weirdest parts of the pseudo-celebrity's demands.

"Six (6) One liter sized bottled spring water (cold, no Evian please)"
K-Fed is that particular about bottled spring water? What's wrong with Evian? Anyone?

"Box of Altoids, red"
Cinnamon Altoids are red, and come in a maroon box. Regular pepperminty fresh Altoids are white, but come in a red box. K-Fed is the guy who likes purple on his toast and yellow on his hot dogs.

cocoa with the cloven hooves

At first we thought chocolate was our friend, maybe even a divine messenger. But as the Good Book says, even the devil drives a Prius.

I'm not giving my wife chocolate for our second anniversary, not because I don't love her, but because I don't trust chocolate.

Update: What, you think I'm joking?

Anderson's cinematic dictum

The Da Vinci Code novel took me two hours, twenty minutes to read.

The Da Vinci Code movie is two hours, twenty-nine minutes long.

Whenever watching a movie takes longer than reading the book, it's either a really bad movie, a really bad book, or both.

shiny and new II

I hereby declare "Laugh-A-Minutemen" as the official designation for the rowdy band of xenophobes perigrinating across the border states.

(As far as I know, "An Odyssey of Homers" is also original to yours truly.)

apropos of everything

Beethoven's schlocky, strangely affecting 9th is blaring on the radio. (This just after I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, marveling once again at its frenetic brilliance.)

A generic Nyquil substitute is stuck in the middle of peristalsis, refusing to enter my stomach. Unstobbable nasal drib.

Is there a German word for the awkwardness of having a pill stuck in the throat until it dissolves? Langsamebewegungerdrosseln?

the choking game

Apparently The Choking Game is roaring back into the public imagination. Deaths, concussions, strokes, skull fractures... even in nearby Elma.

Are such stupid behaviors unique to adolescents? Hardly. A daily trip to The Obscure Store will cure anyone of that notion.

The only concern with middle schoolers is that they're all cooped up in one place--the middle school--where memes defy the laws of physics and accelerate past the speed of light.

I attended Elma Middle School, site of the latest debacle. Back in my distant, foggy memories, I can see the idiotic pastimes of youth....

The Choking Game
As described in the link above. We--and by "we," I mean other students, because I was either too smart or too cowardly to try any of these things--would press our thumbs into our necks until we passed out. Remarkably, no one was hurt. We were lucky.

The Floss Game
Snort floss up your nose and cough it out your mouth, pulling it all the way through in an impressive biological demonstration of the nasal cavity.

Eraser Burns
The name is fairly self-explanatory. Take those great pink rubber erasers and rub them on a bare patch of skin until a nifty scar forms. "It doesn't hurt," the more macho swear up and down. (This was quickly banned, as administrators feared it would cause horrific infections. This was even before we knew about "flesh-eating bacteria." Who needed bacteria when an eraser would do?)

Bloody Knuckles, the Slapping Game, the Punching Game
Hit someone. They hit you back. Repeat indefinitely.

I'm sure you can think of others. Stupidity knows no bounds.


DISCLAIMER: This blog does not condone or encourage participation in any of the preceding activities. Natural selection doesn't need your help.

dueling dorks

Anderson's Maxim of Discourse has a new partner.

Anderson's Frightening Observation

Strangely relevant stories will appear on Obscure Store, whatever your topic.

on, the inanity

I had to link to this because it's veered into bizarre territory, as creationist William J. Gibbons levels his umbrage at "smug, self-assured humanistic Americans." Best Gibbons quotes:

A quick note to all you educated secularists.... If you are going to call me names and attack all creationists in general, then have the courage to use your real names. Monikers like "savagemutt" "Some Guy" "Oolong" "ragingbee" and "raj" do not cut it.

"Raging Bee" tries to sting me with a charge of "cowardice?" What is your REAL name raging bee? Where are the "insults" you accuse me of? I only ask that people use their real names, (I like to know who I am dealing with). But then again, that's too much to ask for some people who want to hide behind the mask of secular humanism, isn't it?

I think Richard Allen Jordan sounds a lot better than the Islamic sounding "raj." And no, there is nothing "idiotic" about my comments. If I was hiding behind a moniker to do battle with evolutionists, you would be asking me the same thing. But, I use my real name, my actual email address and website.

Truly the Force is overripe with this one.

shiny and new

Originality: still available.

holy panjandrums
the complexity of a loofah
broadcast on three planets
her prose isn't prosaic
divine justice as fairness
the usual sort of derring-do
pimply obvious
with the levity only a gravedigger can muster
wind shear fantasy
pusillanimous psychobabble
I'm nearly all ears
fish blinders
not on this block, mate
petroleum jelly futures
the poet laureate of the state of confusion
fingers jammed in the duplexer
who's rooting for God?

epigram central

Epigrams are atoms of thought.

Writing is atrophy of the intellect.

Words are the ivy of the mind.

An epigram is a dull pencil.

To write for another is to plant birdseed.

Laughter is the music of money.

Aging makes the conscience tangible.

Envy is the smallest particle in the cosmos.



Today's exercise in my junior-level classes involves creating and discussing epigrams, especially in the context of The Death of Artemio Cruz, famed for the maxim, "Memory is satisfied desire."

Choose and discuss. Or add your own.

[this is not a title]

Your belching is not speech.

Your perspective is too narrow; your concerns, too broad.

You are obviously brilliant.

Your logic hiccups from false premise to invalid conclusion.

The barrel is full of fish, but you've managed to hit the barrel.

You have enviable amounts of free time.

You are a gnat, a mosquito, a tsetse fly, Erebomyia exalloptera.

A field goal is no touchdown, no matter how far you kick it.

You expect the moon to howl back.

Your words are a limp balloon, impossible to enjoy, impossible to puncture.

I wish I weren't you.