Keyes baaaaaaaack

Alan Keyes,"Illinois' loserest politician," is running for president. Now Ed Brayton has a new full-time job.

I hereby pledge to report every stupid, counter-factual or crazy thing Keyes says during the campaign until he inevitably withdraws due to lack of funds and single-digit polling numbers.... If I should die before completing that duty, I ask that Jon Rowe continue my important work.

Who is Alan Keyes, you ask?

Actually, that's what everyone else asks, too.



Update: Rowe has pledged to carry on, should Brayton expire before Keyes' campaign does.

God tells Kent Hovind to quit whining

Do you want to know what God thinks? Just ask Kent Hovind, tax-evader, self-appointed martyr, and flim-flamming creationist. Apparently, prison life sucks.

GOD: I know this is hard for you. How many men in there are away from their families?

KH: Nearly all of them, Lord. Some only see their family once a year—and some not at all. I know what you are going to say, Lord, that now I know how they feel and can be a better witness to them, right?

GOD: Very good, son. You are starting to get the picture!

KH: But, Lord, five hundred miles away?

GOD: You are still in America, son. Would you prefer…Siberia?

KH: Oh, no, South Carolina is just fine! Hey, Lord, why did you let me slip on those steps in Atlanta and bruise my ankle so badly?

GOD: I needed you to see the new prison doctor that just came from India. He knows almost nothing about Me, son. I know you didn’t have much time with him, but you did tell him about your Website. He will look at it and read the “How To Be Saved” article. That will start him on the road to salvation later this year.

It's almost as surreal as a trip into the mind of John A. Davison.

Almost.




[Link via PZ]

Wall Drug, the Corn Palace, and now this

Via PZ, Media Czech visits the Creation Museum so you don't have to. Warning: may be offensive to all with functioning intellects.

Kent Hovind: sin-guilty

Aren't we all.

Update: Even Ted Haggard.

why you should always trust the internet

At long last, my groundbreaking reportage has been noticed.

"man of principle" - "principle" =

Barack Obama is poised to win a Senate seat in Illinois. He's sharp, articulate, and, by the way, black. So what do Illinois Republicans do? Ask another sharp, articulate, oh, by the way, also black man to run against him--never mind that he's not actually from Illinois. Calling Alan Keyes...

As Tony Norman observes,

Four years ago, Alan Keyes told his fellow conservatives to "shove it" when they asked him to run against Hillary Rodham Clinton for U.S. Senate in New York.

At the time, Keyes was mired in a neck-and-neck race for last place in the Republican presidential primary and couldn't be bothered with such an impractical ideal. Besides, the offer stunk of tokenism and a transparent stab at affirmative action, two things he's always been against whenever it was convenient.

"I deeply resent the destruction of federalism represented by Hillary Clinton's willingness to go into a state she doesn't even live in and pretend to represent people there," Keyes told the frat boys at Fox News on March 17, 2000. "So I certainly wouldn't imitate it."

...Because Alan Keyes is such a principled man, he'll have no choice but to refuse the Republicans' condescending overture. After all, to run for an office in a state he's never slept in would make him as much a carpetbagger as Hillary Clinton, right?

Or not. Maybe he'll send Hillary an apology.

Update: Keyes has said much more about this issue. It remains to be seen how he'll respond to the charge of political hypocrisy in the name of expediency.

"This must be a terrible feeling," Keyes tells his would-be supporters. "You make a decision based on expediency, and it doesn’t work. And then you are left without expediency and without principle. With nothing. This is sad, I never want to wake up the day after an election or any time else with that emptiness in me, knowing I have given away the things that matter most for the sake of what I thought would win and finding that I have lost and have nothing."

And elsewhere:

Keyes concludes that if a person acts from principle, "it doesn't matter how many times I lose because I'm not losing anything. I will carry it home right with me to the grave, until that moment when I look to see whether God approves. And that is all that really matters."

I don't imagine God approving hypocrisy.