2008 primary brings out the crazies: Part II

The smaller races bring out smaller crackpots, for the most part; and why not? The bigger the audience, the bigger the buffoonery. Still, there are quite a few loose screws in the toolbox below.


John Moyna, Senator, Dist. 3
Charm Rating: Unknown
Most Appealing Feature: Anonymity
Tone: Laconic
Biggest Flaws: Anonymity; Mystique over substance
The Campaign in a Sentence: "All mankind can be categorized into one of two groups: Those who demand the ability to control others, and those not wanting to be controlled."


Chris Bowen, Representative, Pos. 1, Dist. 3
Charm Rating: 3
Most Appealing Feature: Enthusiasm
Tone: Naive
Biggest Flaws: Dubious experience; attended Eastern Washington University
The Campaign in a Sentence: "I was born in 1978 to a nuclear engineer and one of the sweetest ladies you could ever meet."


David M. Morris, Representative, Pos. 1, Dist. 11
Charm Rating: 7
Most Appealing Feature: Lack of experience
Tone: Strident
Biggest Flaws: Lack of experience; redundant punctuation
The Campaign in a Sentence: "SECURE THE BORDER NOW!."


William Glenn (Walkley) Jesernig, Representative, Pos. 2, Dist. 16
Charm Rating: 8
Most Appealing Feature: Brutal honesty
Tone: Devoted
Biggest Flaws: Lack of experience; brutal honesty.
The Campaign in a Sentence:"I am a God fearing father of 9 and grandfather of 7 soon to be 8, Distance runner, Concert promoter, Excavating general contractor, Pyrotechnic operator, Poker Pro, Author, Hole puncher, who never tries; I keep doing till it is done."


Ron Morehouse, Representative, Pos. 2, Dist. 25
Charm Rating: 5
Most Appealing Feature: Parentheses
Tone: Different
Biggest Flaws: Shouting; inconsistent punctuation
The Campaign in a Sentence: "I WILL NOT COMPROMISE MY ETHICS OR BELIEFS."


Leslie Klein, Representative, Pos. 2, Dist. 36
Charm Rating: 6
Most Appealing Feature: Lists "spy" under experience
Tone: Kidding?
Biggest Flaws: Thinking that gaining 16% of the vote counts as a success; hawking a self-help book
The Campaign in a Sentence: "I INTEND TO EMPOWER PEOPLE TO SOLVE THEIR OWN PROBLEMS."


Timothy (Cleaver) Stoddard, Senator, Dist. 40
Charm Rating: 8
Most Appealing Feature: Shades
Tone: Goofy
Biggest Flaws: Suspect grammar; inoffensiveness
The Campaign in a Sentence: "All Modern day Ideas for solving current problems can be solved using Karmic principles."


Keith Ljunghammar, Representative, Pos. 1, Dist. 46
Charm Rating: 4
Most Appealing Feature: Family status
Tone: Shouty
Biggest Flaws: Exclamation point abuse; cut-and-paste candidate statement
The Campaign in a Sentence: "Educate, not Excavate!"


Honorable Mention: Michael C. Powell, Representative, Pos. 2, Dist. 2, who, for his family status, put "Single—looking for a date (after November)." What is it with taxpayer-funded personal ads?

2008 primary brings out the crazies: Part I

I present this year's best primary candidates, who, sadly, have the same chances of winning that the Mariners do of reaching the World Series. This is Part I, the statewide offices. (I include the Congressional reps in that number for dubious reasons.)

And yes, I read the entire voter's guide, even the candidates who didn't appear in the Thurston County edition, just to show I care.

Each Candidate will be appraised with four objective criteria and one sample quote. The Charm Rating, the lone number of the bunch, goes from 1-10; 1 = Mildew, 10 = Cary Grant in a tux.



Glen S. Johnson, Congress, District 2
Charm Rating: 7
Biggest Flaws: Claims that merely running for office counts as experience; confusing campaign blurb with book promo
Tone: Jovial
Most Appealing Feature: Alliteration
The Campaign in a Sentence: "People are from what they eat."


Gordon Allen Pross, Congress, District 4
Charm Rating: 7
Most Appealing Feature: Ladies, Gordon is "Biblically Single."
Tone: Anecdotal
Biggest Flaws: Abuse of bullet points; confusing campaign blurb with personal ad
The Campaign in a Sentence: "Liberty pins its wings on equality, so let’s get equal!"


Goodspaceguy Nelson, Congress, District 7
Charm Rating: 8
Most Appealing Feature: A love of space colonization that would make him change his first name to "Goodspaceguy."
Tone: Astral
Biggest Flaws: "Birth control" spectacles; being born outside our solar system
The Campaign in a Sentence: "Goodspaceguy wants more people studying at our colleges during the underutilized evenings and weekends."


Mark A. Goldman, Congress, District 7
Charm Rating: 10 (pictured in a tuxedo, for goodness' sake)
Most Appealing Feature: No party preference
Tone: Poetic
Biggest Flaws: Abuse of ellipses; flowery rhetoric
The Campaign in a Sentence: "I offer you a strategy based on truth, honor, dignity, compassion, courage, and love."


Al Schaefer, Congress, District 7
Charm Rating: 6
Most Appealing Feature: Sideburns
Tone: Constitutional
Biggest Flaws: Making jury nullification a central issue; the old "income tax is voluntary" gaffe
The Campaign in a Sentence: "With your help our proposals flower."


Will Baker, Governor
Charm Rating: 1
Most Appealing Feature: Unelectable
Tone: Strident
Biggest Flaws: Taking things personally; thinking himself the center of Washington's political universe
The Campaign in a Sentence: "Visit www.TheTruthRocks.com and then please call “60 Minutes” at (212) 975-2006 and please press zero to speak with a live person."


Duff Badgely, Governor
Charm Rating: 4
Most Appealing Feature: Turtleneck
Tone: Frantic
Biggest Flaws: Vastly overestimating the influence and power of the office; Abuse of bullet points
The Campaign in a Sentence: "Now, the Earth is changing in non-linear ways."


Javier O. Lopez, Governor
Charm Rating: 7
Most Appealing Feature: Invented the "Air Engine"
Tone: Ingenious, or possibly unhinged
Biggest Flaws: Confusing the auditor's office with the patent office; violating the laws of thermodynamics
The Campaign in a Sentence: "As an artist and inventor I have come up with an invention that will solve all of the world’s problems."


Mohammad Hasan Said, Governor
Charm Rating: 1
Most Appealing Feature: Quoting George Washington
Tone: Bigoted
Biggest Flaws: Anti-Jewish rhetoric; missing the opportunity to use the word "cabal"
The Campaign in a Sentence: "Finally I would like to sound the alarm, that AIPAC and other Jewish Zionist Lobbies who represent less than 2% of American People are using the United States through their mighty power in the News Media, Financial Institutions, Hollywood and Entertainment Industry, Both Political Parties, Congress and the White House as Proxy to wage war against any country perceived to be threat to Israel, like in Iraq."


David Blomstrom, Superintendent of Public Instruction
Charm Rating: 0
Most Appealing Feature: Sticktuitiveness
Tone: Irritable Bowel
Biggest Flaws: Bizarre mix of zingers and scolds; holding up Hugo Chavez as worthy of imitation
The Campaign in a Sentence: "I’m even attacking Bill Gates, right in his home town."

Update: Part II here.

the "GOP Party" makes a show of force

We interrupt this summer blog hiatus for a brief Washington State Top 2 Primary Voter's Pamphlet update. Highlights include:

1. A great batch of quixotic candidates, details soon.
   
2. A motto that recalls the fun we had in 2004: "I vote, I count," thanks to 4th grader Gabriella Spring, still too young for cynicism.
   
3. The Republicans who quit the Republican party, preferring the "G.O.P" Party instead. In order of appearance: Dino Rossi, Jim Wiest, Jim McCune, Richard DeBolt, Gary Alexander, and Randy Neatherlin. Getting the wrong memo, Herb Baze "prefers R party."*
4. Our own Brendan Williams, blazing a new trail and starting his own "Progressive Democrat Party."**
   

Update: Among the GOP Party ranks in districts far from mine: Larry Ishmael, Mike Novak, Kelly White, Mark Schoesler, Steve Hailey, Norma Smith, David M. Morris ("prefers Cut Taxes G.O.P. Party"), Keith Ljunghammar (same), Bill Hinkle, Thomas Thomas (the redundancy two-fer), Jan Angel, Dave Dooley, Alex Rion, Todd Gibson, Tan Lam, Leslie Bloss, Steve Litzow, Larry Countryman, and, avoiding redundancy, Gordon Allan Pross ("prefers Grand Old Party").

*Dan Kristiansen got it, too.
**Fellow trailblazer Hue Beattie prefers the "True Democratic Party."

Thurston County 2008 primary results

Update 5/20: If you're searching for the results of the May 20th special levy: it passed.




As far as local schools go, with 8000 ballots left to count, results were mixed. Olympia's levy passed, as did Griffin's, Rainier's, Tenino's, and Tumwater's. Unfortunately, Rochester, Yelm, and North Thurston, and Centralia didn't benefit from the recent change requiring only a simple majority. A possible explanation: the explosive growth in and around those cities, which has driven up property values and, thus, property taxes.

Update: Yelm and Rochester are cloooooose, but still losing, with another scheduled for 8:00 p.m. tomorrow. I should also point out that Centralia's largest vote concentration comes from Lewis County, correcting my erroneous assessment that the Centralia levy had failed. Duh.

National races: In Thurston County, McCain beat the protest, and Obama got some symbolic love from local Democrats.

Update 2/21: North Thurston's expected loss is especially painful:

Board members also will meet Saturday to discuss $16 million to $17 million in cuts to extracurricular programs the levy pays for, such as athletics, foreign languages, music and drama.

The measure may come back for a May vote.

Update 2/21 part II: Still 5,000 votes left to count. The Yelm race is narrowly in favor, but the Rochester levy has swung negative. It's going down to the wire.

Also, Olympian readers discuss the failure of the North Thurston levy. A sample:

I believe that school levies are not well-explained to the public. In most cases the intent is to continue a previously levy that is expiring but that is not made clear in the promotion, which can lead voters to think that the levy represents a new tax. Secondly, levies should clearly outline what the funds will be used for. Diana Larsen-Mills, Olympia

don't forget to vote

I'm with The Olympian on this one: just because the parties are making you sign a loyalty oath, just because Luke Esser will hand-pick the GOP nominee no matter how you vote, just because the Democratic primary is a "beauty contest," don't throw your ballot away. There's another election that matters even more.

Levies all across the South Sound are up for approval. Your support means financial stability in turbulent times, despite an inequitable state funding formula that our legislature refuses to tackle, year after year. Until schools win their lawsuit, the most likely avenue for success means voting Yes on Tuesday, February 19.

Yes means we can keep class sizes reasonable, we can keep programs active, we can keep quality teachers in the classroom.

Don't forget to vote tomorrow. And, more important, vote Yes.