May 24, 2011

when Wal-Mart called

After school. The phone rings. I answer it, trepidatious.

"Hi, this is [redacted] from Wal-Mart, hoping to talk with you about [redacted]."

Excellent. I am a reference for a former student seeking gainful employment. Shall I expound, at great length, as to [redacted]'s character and accomplishments, fortitude and charisma? Shall I relate a piquant anecdote, recount [redacted]'s classroom odyssey of learning? Possibilities! Ask, dear Wal-Mart, and I shall--

"Do you have any reason to believe that [redacted] poses a violent threat to any other person?"

Uh... No.

"Do you have any reason to believe that [redacted] lacks integrity or honesty?"


"One last thing. Is there any reason you would not recommend [redacted] for a position at Wal-Mart?"


"That's all. Have a nice day."



Anonymous said...

That's really creepy.

Jim Anderson said...

And not terribly helpful. In contrast, I got a call from a local employer who asked all kinds of useful questions--and let me give full-sentence answers. What's a recommendation without an anecdote or two?