Time to fill out the brackets that I will not wager any actual cash on. It's not about the money: the sheer joy of statisticism justifies the exclamation.
I'll fill out however many brackets ESPN will allow, based on several criteria. I'll post links to them here when I'm finished. Meanwhile, a trained monkey--they're always trained, aren't they?--will crank out a bracket of his (her?) own as a control, and we'll see who's better at prognostication.
1. Control Bracket: "Anderson trained monkeys."
A coin flip determines this one.
Winner: UNLV. (Really.) Bugs on ESPN's site are ire-rousing.
2. The streaking bracket: "Anderson momentum bracket."
The team with the best record in the past 10 games wins (in the first two rounds). In case of a tie, the better seed wins. After the second round, anything goes.
Winner: Kansas over Memphis.
3. The random number bracket: "Anderson random number."
Using the trp's system described below, where a random number is matched with past odds. (Up next: the goose entrails bracket.)
Winner: North Carolina over Oregon.
4. The goose entrails bracket: "Anderson mascot battle."
If you're going to divinate, might as well use mascots. These cartoonish walking metaphors visibly represent their teams' chances: Gator devours Irishman. Longhorn tramples Cougar. How to choose between two opposing Wildcats, though? Or Cardinals versus Cardinal?
Winner: Memphis over UCLA.
Coming soon... the hate bracket.
The hate bracket: "Anderson loathing."
Took my cues from the Slate article linked above.
1. Duke goes down in the first round.
2. Eastern Kentucky, too.
3. Texas A&M (non Corpus Christi) bows out in the second.
4. Oral Roberts doesn't have a prayer. Out in the first.
5. Buh-bye, Indiana.
6. Same to you, Wright State.
7. New Mexico State collapses early.
8. Florida chokes in the Elite Eight--cry a river, Mr. Noah.
9. Pennsylvania 6-5-0-0-ohfer.
10. Notre Dame enjoys an early victory, only to taste defeat in the second round.
11. Creighton loses in the second round, too. Cinderella turns into a pumpkin.
12. Tennessee is the 5-12 upset. On the 5 end.
13. WhoAlbany? Gone.
Actually, this could shape up to be a good bracket.
Winner: Georgetown over Wisconsin.
It could happen.
Update: Think you understand the bracket? Read this article (via trp), and remind yourself: don't bet on sports.