1. More will come to light. It always does.
2. Despite this, Haggard, learning from Clinton, will eternally protest, claiming he didn't inhale and didn't have relations with that woman, Miss Lewinski. When it's pointed out that his accuser is male, Haggard will reply, "That would depend on what the definition of 'is' is."
3. Puns on Haggard's last name and references to its similarity to "Swaggart" will dominate media portrayals for at least four months after the scandal should have abated.
4. Somehow the IRS will get involved.
5. We will never stop feigning surprise when revered leaders crash, burn, and then furiously deny the charred debris.
[Reader Naomi inadvertently suggested the title.]
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