Sep 17, 2006

Thurston County voters' guide: Republicans

Bubble in:

Tom Campbell. If you've ever stood in line at Albertson's, sniffling and sneezing, drowning in snot, muffling coughs with your sleeve, waiting for the hapless boob in front of you to find his driver's license since he needs cold medicine as badly as you do, except he doesn't have his license on him because his wife dropped him off, and she's over at Ross Dress for Less for Senior Discount Tuesday, and where is that danged license, remember Tom Campbell. He kept us safe from Sudafed.

Richard Debolt. He's "achieved among the highest leadership positions in the House of Representatives." No mention of what he achieved, or which positions he was among.

Mark Shattuck. The lone poet among the Republicans, Shattuck waxes, "From the mountains to the Sound I have lived and breathed the 35th district and respect the land and its people."

Randy Neatherlin. The goateed GOPer is the the first to reach out to Generation Y. "IM1 of U," Neatherlin gushes from his cell phone. His staffers note that Randy "understands our desires." That's only a teensy bit creepy.

Tom Crowson. For marrying a woman named Tootie.

2 comments:

Josh said...

These are for the primaries and not the election, yes?

Jim Anderson said...

Exactly. You have to choose a party, then vote for candidates from only that party (plus the nonpartisan races, in which the judicial candidates are unsurprisingly literate).