you should not do that

an homage to Obscure Store



"I get so angry sometimes... so angry I could drown my girlfriend with a removable showerhead."
You should not do that.


"The Lord seems to be urging my to share my beauty with the world. All of it."
You should not do that.


"I want to donate sperm to my girlfriend. It's the least I can do, given that there's no way in hell I'm going to marry her."
You should not do that.


"My teacher told me I'd get thirty points extra credit if I brought a gigantic homemade burrito to class for show and tell."
You should not do that.


"I'd bet if we offer a Veggie Burger, profits will skyrocket. After all, people are looking for healthier fast food."
You should not do that.


"C'mon, Mom, I need help parallel parking. My driver's test is this weekend. You can just watch. Pleeeeease?"
You should not do that.


"A stamp honoring Jerry Garcia? Ingenious!"
You should not do that.


"Honey, getting hitched at the Mickey-D's drivethrough is not only romantic, but economical!"
You should not do that.


"PVC pipe: check. Pliers and crowbar: check. Available entry through vent: check. It's burglary time."
You should not do that.




[seventy-fifth in a series]