Jul 5, 2010

the Cars liveblog

"It's fun. Fun, fun, fun. It's triple fun." --Older sister, ostensibly referring to the Pixar film Cars.

On a sunny Monday evening, I'm being politely coerced to watch Cars, which, along with Monsters, Inc., I have not yet seen in its entirety.

Because the film is fresh to me, and because the experience of watching a film with family members is usually more entertaining than the film itself, I'm going to liveblog it. If you are still reading, remember: no one has politely coerced you.

6:48 p.m.
The downstairs den is meditatively quiet. Dad and I are the only ones in the den, waiting, with the DVD paused at the outset, waiting for the rest of the gang to tromp downstairs, presumably with Nanaimo bars and coffee.

Bro-in-law arrives with the Nanaimo bars. Womenfolk still upstairs.

"Here's your coffee cup, You Are Very Special To Me."

Why does Mom like the movie? "It's a clean cut movie and it's cute. There's nothing bad in it."

When I think anthropomorphic cars, I think Chevron. Is this because Chevron coopted the concept from this film, or vice versa?

Which one will take the Piston Cup? "It's like the LeBron James free agency."

"I love that his grill looks like a mustache."

Car-on-car violence is still violence.

Other NASCAR-themed films I haven't yet seen: Talladega Nights, Days of Thunder, and Oh my goodness, I think those cars just flashed Lightning.

Mom, these adult jokes aren't exactly subtle. Sorry to burst your bubble.

Rascal Flatts makes roadkill of "Life is a Highway."

Now I know why we're watching this: because stereotypes are funny when they have radiators.

"Luigi follow only the Ferraris." I rest my case.

John Donne meets the Tortoise and the Hare. That's the movie.

I will say this: the choice of Owen Wilson to play the Supreme Jerkface lead was... inspired. No one else is as easily loathed.

Sally Carrera, it is revealed, has a lower back tattoo. (I'd use the vernacular, but this is a family blog.)

"Who knew that cars had so much heart? We've got to name Mom and Dad's Grand Marquis. We could call it Marky Mark... or.... Keister."

"He won three Piston Cups!"
"He did what in his cup?"
"Mom must've been asleep last time she watched this."

Interstates are evil.

"He's drifting. Like Tokyo Drift!"

Cool Hand Luke, salad dressing, and this.

It took us an hour and 23 minutes, but we finally got it: a montage, a real live montage, to Chuck Berry's version of "Route 66."

The cynic in me wants to explain McQueen's love for Radiator Springs as a form of Stockholm Syndrome. And, to go meta, if I'm enjoying the film...

One lap left. I have a feeling we're going to learn a valuable lesson about reckless individualism.

"I have actual tears."

The credits roll. In the end, it's another Pixar win, which means I've sold my soul to the devil. Also, I promise--I really do--that I will never place my desires above the needs of the many.

Postscript. The sister: "I've seen this movie so many times... and I just got the 'Tow Mater.'" Awkward pause. "I shouldn't have said that out loud."

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