CORRUGATED TIMES-DISPATCHMarch 7, 2008
New Orleans, LA -- En route to a campaign stop, presidential candidate John McCain made sure to take time out from his withering schedule of lectures and photo-ops to heap accolades on the American people.
Though media elites had accused Americans of crippling political ignorance, McCain wagged his finger at them, describing the intellectual breadth and depth of a nation that waited breathlessly for every honey-dripping word to fall from his lips, passing them down from generation to generation in their folk tales and bedtime stories.
"Everybody knows that I had a private conversation. Everybody knows that, that I had a conversation," McCain told a bevy of citizens and hangers-on standing around his chartered jet. "And you know it, too."
When a meek acolyte humbly demurred, McCain responded, "No. You know it, too. No. You do know. You do know."
McCain added, "I don't know, but it's well-known that I had the conversation. It's absolutely well-known by everyone. Everybody knows it. Everybody knows it in America."
An enraptured adherent begged McCain to share more truisms about the American character that he had reputedly revealed to Senator John Kerry in a private conversation.
McCain's saintly glow faded only slightly as his voice cracked with emotion. "I don't describe private conversations. Why should I? Then there's no such thing as a private conversation."
He then ascended, flying away on the wings of the dawn.