Jan 25, 2008

the voices outside my head: thoughts from Mitt Romney

Hello, I'm presidential candidate Mitt Romney. I'm running for president of the United States, and I approve this message, since, in all probability, I had a hand in drafting it. I mean, I at least endorse its sentiments until they prove unpopular.

More than any other politician, I know how to listen to the vox populi. That's a little Latin for "voice of the people." These days, I've noticed, the people tend to sound like a stage whisper.

One time the people whispered, "If you build it, he will come," so I hustled to make sure Utah got an Olympics bid. "He" turned out to be thousands of German tourists, which was nice.

Another time the people whispered, "Rosebud," so I moved to Massachusetts where the snow falls like in one of those cool globey things. I was there to shake things up, let me tell you.

Now I'm asking you, America, to whisper loud and clear what you want from me. Don't whisper "raise taxes," because I know that's just help with a trick question. Even though I love Ronald Reagan, who once raised taxes, I love not raising taxes more, because I love you, America, more.

But if you really want me to, I'll do it.

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