1. The Portland Trailblazers select comedian Bob Odenkirk.
2. The Seattle Sonics select resurrected philosopher-historian Will Durant.
3. The Atlanta Hawks select oatmeal pitchman Wilford Brimley.
4. The Memphis Grizzlies select a grizzled Grizzly Adams.
5. The Boston Celtics defer to a wiser ballclub, trading their first-round pick for a lifetime supply of Skittles.
6. The Milwaukee Bucks select handyman Red Green.
7. The Minnesota Timberwolves select voiceover artist Corey Feldman.
8. The Charlotte Bobcats select Adam Morrison, again.
9. The Chicago Bulls select the Noah basketball system.