Feb 4, 2007

don't bet on sports: Super Bowl edition

Everyone is calling it for the Colts. Which is why I'm picking the Bears. 31-17.

I'll be liveblogging from a bunker in Elma, Washington. Stay tuned.

3:10
Just saw the family-and-friends-and-former-teachers intro. When the one dude says "New Orleans, Louisiana," the whole Big Easy feels the sting.

3:28
Hester takes it all the way back on the first play of the game. Sign of things to come, or shades of Ohio State? Remember who struck first in the BCS championship?

3:34
1. Urlacher tip. Almost intercepted.
2. Addai first down.
3a. False start.
3b. Tangled feet. Almost intercepted.
4. Swing pass to Addai for 8.
5a. False start. 3rd and 13.
5b. Interception on a long pass. Great protection; this one's all on Manning. Rough start for the Colts.

3:40
Rex Grossman's first pass is too high, but Berrian pulls it in for seven. Grossman's second pass is off his back foot, and nearly intercepted. The light drizzle is turning into a steady rain.

Salesgenie.com/tv? What the? Says dad: "So far I haven't seen any sterling advertisements." $20 gazillion per minute doesn't buy the same kind of quality it used to.

3:52
First TD for the Colts on a total defensive breakdown. Cover 2? Try covering one Wayne. Just after, the ghost of Tony Romo gets sweet revenge. 7-6, Bears. FedEx breaks a cardinal rule of Super Bowl ads, putting the "kicker" (a meteor striking a floating moon-man) before the brand name.

It's a fumble! It's another fumble! Dad says, "So far, this is a pretty exciting game." This is before the 52-yard dash by Jones.

4:02
It's 14-6 Chicago, and the Colts glow in the rainy haze. Three and out. Meanwhile, the commercials this year are perhaps the worst of all time. It's another fumble!

4:21
Chicago's defense bends, but doesn't break, holding the Colts to a field goal. 14-9.

Garmin? What the?

4:28
The Chevy HHR wins it for best and worst commercial of the day, and we're not even done with the first half. A bunch of normal guys start stripping and dancing outside an HHR as women cringe and cover their eyes inside. Good: funny. Bad: like AOL's "we cater to idiots," makes the wrong associations.

Oh, football? There's a game on? Right. Peyton Manning has settled into a groove, and the Colts are driving.

4:33
And they're in, 16-14. Meanwhile, my mom likes the "Know Your Risk" commercial where the heart guy gets kidnapped and beat up by thugs. Scary.

Oh, and she thinks the robot committing suicide (in his dream) is "cute." Wonder why I'm as weird as I am? Wonder no more.

4:46
It's a fumble! It's another fumble! These two teams are their respective division champs?

4:55
First half MVP: the Colts O line. After each snap, Manning has time to take calls from his ad agent before deigning to throw.

Viniateri misses, his first of the postseason. 16-14.

Prince, anyone?

5:28
When Prince is playing the Foo Fighters, you can pretty much write off the halftime show, which, let's face it, will take a while to return to its pre-Justin Timberlake glory.

5:40
Tony Dungy, seeing double in the gauzy rain, burns a timeout contesting the number of Bears on the turf. Field goal. 19-14 Colts.

5:57
Which failure will matter more: Rex Grossman's inability to hold on to the football, or Peyton Manning's touchdown deficit? At least for now the Colts are covering the spread. Grossman had better take a lesson from K-Fed: blow this one, flip burgers.

Jones. Give him the ball more. Jones, people.

6:07
After the Gould knuckleball makes it 22-17, the Bears defense looks a little more vigorous. Meanwhile, Tony Dungy makes one good challenge (after one bad one). No more challenges, but still two times out. (Timeouts?) Why aren't the Bear defenders jamming on third and short?

6:22
Rex throws up a gift. Colts 29, Bears 17. Grossman is no Tom Brady... or is he? 11:44 in football time left. Hours of agony for Chi-town.

6:31
Grossman again lofts the ball to the Colts. Game over. See you at the recap.

6:58
Game summary: Rex Grossman out-loses the Colts in an ugly, ugly contest.
Commercial summary: When everyone's trying to be funny, no one's funny.
Halftime summary: Prince: the world's most idiosyncratic cover artist.
Significance summary: They covered the spread. Bookies everywhere can breathe again.

Roger. Over and out.

1 comment:

Dave said...

Enjoyed your account of the Super Bowl (was referred to it by a friend, after my own attempt at a liveblog of it), though I'll say that the Colts won it as much as the Bears lost it.