The Caveman's Valentine: snakes on a hairpiece

1. It's bad when a shallow, pretentious art film has its protagonist eloquently and forcefully denounce the emptiness of postmodern art.

2. It's sexy when Jackson's Medusan locks fondle Ann Magnuson's body double.

3. It's awful that Magnuson's character is a cabin-bound dope named Moira, a role she apparently relishes.

4. It's pleasant to see moth-men who don't prophesy.

5. It's appropriate that the villain proclaims, "If that's all you got, then you got nothin'."

6. It's understandable that the credits list "Mr. Jackson's Psychiatric Consultant."


Originally tapped for the role, John Travolta bowed out to finish Battlefield Earth.