Aug 14, 2006

dating tip: quality dates me

I am a very high-quality man. Not just quality, or high-quality (and the dash is important, just like me), but very high-quality.

I know that sounds arrogant, but let’s consider the facts:

  • I’m slim (whereas 98% of American men age 26 to 28 are mostly Molson muscle)
  • I’m attractive (I was listed in Maxim as one of America's top heartthrobs, right up there with George Clooney and Orlando Bloom --and the men who populate that sample are celebrities, gods in gabardine slacks)
  • I’m relatively young (whereas 82% of American adult men are old farts)
  • I’m intelligent (IQ tested at 150 when I was a child, which is smarter than you could ever hope to be, and higher than 99.96% of the population. I've only gotten smarter with time, and hope to pass Einstein by 29)
  • I’m educated (whereas 77% of American men cannot point to Turkey on a map, unless it's a map of the fridge)
  • I have my financial shit together (have my own bank and a Master's degree in Credit History, hundreds of gold bars stacked under the bed, my good looks are insured through Lloyd's, Gatsbyesque raconteur)
  • I have a strong libido, more testosterone than Floyd Landis, with the five o'clock shadow to prove it
  • Many of my interests tend to be more popular with women than men: literature, organic hydroponics, yoga, radical feminism, Brad Pitt, Appletinis, guns, gambling, etc.
The above list explains why I typically receive 5000-10,000 (sometimes more) responses whenever I post personal ads. This is in addition to getting hit on almost every time I go out alone, proposed to in the subway, barraged by modeling offers, harrassed by paparazzi, and generally sick of seeing myself on billboards.

So, I have a *lot* of choices of women who want to date me. Given that, of course I choose to date only the highest quality women -- women who are also fit, attractive, intelligent, educated, financially successful, members of Mensa, allergic to pistachios, not too picky about Thai food, and mezzo-soprano. I’m attracted to women from any race and a wide age range (21 to 50 or so) so the pool of women who meet those requirements is quite large, which allows me to add all sorts of additional restrictions if I want -- must be a deist, must be anarcho-syndicalist, must despise children, must be financially independent or self-employed and available for frequent world travel, etc.

And believe me, the etc. is what gets 'em.

[via Ed Brayton, read the post that inspires]

Update: It's nice to be noticed.


Veronica said...

Organic hydroponics are for both genders... If you had an IQ of 151 you'd know that already.


that's mister nora to you, sonny said...

Dear Jim,

You sound hot. My quality levels range from "quite low" to "Tara Reid" depending on the day but I have a large collection of counterfeit Gene Simmons autographed photos.

Enough of this chitchat. Lets fuck.


xoxo nora

Jim said...

Did I forget to add "I'm married to quality?" Damn. Two more broken hearts.

Katy Rose said...

&c. would be even higher quality...