Another day of StuCo, another day of genius disguised as inanity.
On sensitivity: "Ladies and gentlemen, we've all seen them. They are the mentally retarded."
On the Washington Assessment of Student Learning, the high-stakes exam: "He tried to copy off me, but I foiled him!"
On the value of Microsoft: "How would our world be without computers? Without word processing?"
On trust: "It must be reliable. It comes from Popular Science."
On temptation: "When you're in prison you can't see breasts."
On jury duty: "This is a system that has been in place for as long as... for I don't know how long. A long time."
On prejudice: "...so that these convicted criminals can have a fair trial..."
On literacy, political style: [holding up a pocket-sized Constitution] "It is clearly written in the Constitution that each state must create an ethical code for its citizens."
On extreme skepticism: "Let me assure you, there is no proof of secondhand smoke."
On dubious distinctions: "What is the first thing you think of when you think of nuclear power? You think of the atom bomb, which has nothing to do with nuclear."
On neologism: "Or, in the context of nuclear power, plemeian in a way..."
On dipping one's toes in the gene pool: "And I don't want my descendants--whatever they may look like--to deal with it."
On malapropism, part II: "If nuclear pants can last 3,000 years..."
On... on... I'm not really sure: "Nuclear power... is morally wrong. It's sticking a cat in a microwave. [pause] That's not an analogy. I know people who are that sick. Just sick. [awkward pause] I never said they were my friends."
Part I of the second annual installment
the first annual installment