mad cow jello risk

The facts:

1. Jello is made from cows' bones.

2. Cows eat cows' bones, which are ground into their feed. Whether it is in the form of jello is a matter of controversy, and investigations into meat packing and rendering processes have been repeatedly squashed by government agencies.

3. Mad Cow disease turns cows' brains into jello. Its effect on their bones is largely unknown.

4. Lime jello (also known as "green jello") has the highest bone-to-sugar ratio of any jello flavor.

5. Lemon jello (also known as "yellow jello," which rhymes) has the lowest bone-to-sugar ratio.

6. Jello jigglers are fun to eat.

7. Carbonated jello is the greatest invention in human history, beating out the personal computer and the printing press in a recent poll of professional historians conducted by Smithsonian Magazine.

8. Pasteurizing jello by heating it to 125 degrees Centigrade for upwards of twenty minutes reduces the risk of Mad Cow infection by 112%.

9. The average American eats fifty-two gallons of jello in a lifetime.

10. Vegans do not eat jello. Not even green jello.




Disclaimer: Jell-O is a registered trademark owned by a multibilliondollar conglomeration that would probably sue me if this weren't obviously satirical. If you thought this was serious, you are probably inflicted with early-onset Mad Cow disease. (That, too, is satirical. But not far from the truth.)



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