See "gallows humor" for the backstory.
24 hours, twenty minutes
I've begun the Great Apple Juice Drink-off of 2005. The only pain I'm feeling is regret, for the juice is stocked in a fridge overflowing with Christmas bounty, which I struggle to not think about whenever tippling. The real fun starts later this evening, when I have to drink a
18 hours
1. Chicken broth ain't all that.
2. The Sopranos is a forty-eight minute food commercial. They're eating in every other scene. At least one new pasta per episode.
3. The Bank Dick clocks in at seventy-two minutes. Why don't they make short movies these days? Phone Booth is the last contemporary film I remember seeing that was under ninety. Probably seventy, eighty percent of recent cinema would be recognized as ingenious if the director found a way to lop off fifteen minutes. (Syriana is probably the worst offender.)
16 hours, 19 minutes
I down the entire ten-ounce bottle of green goodness. A disappointment: the elixir gets its color from the bottle. It's actually clear, lemony, almost pleasant--imagine someone dumping a saltshaker into your Sprite as a joke. I won't blog what's going to happen in a half hour or so. Suffice it to say that magnesium citrate is a laxative.
13 hours, 23 minutes
For the record, that's a different James Anderson.
13 hours, 14 minutes
Sing along with Buddy Hackett!
Shipoopi! Shipoopi, Shipoopi
The girl who's hard to get!
Shipoopi. Shipoopi, Shipoopi
But you can win her yet.
3 hours, 4 minutes
"Borborygmus" is the goofiest example of onomatopoeia, ever. This morning it's a symphony of rumbles, clicks and whistles, as if someone has stuffed a gray whale in my gut.
The order of business: shower, shave, suppository, at-home-enema, then two minutes down the street to Group Health for the flexible sigmoidoscopy.
28 minutes
I'll spare the details of the last two hours. I will say, though, that my wife is very, very brave.
4 comments:
Unless you chug fast, you're not gonna make it through the whole 20 oz, I predict. Do tell us the details though.
20 ounces? Yeccch. I was given a few teaspoons of somethingorother to mix into a bunch of root beer. I then had to drink 24 ounces of liquid right quick.
Do you have magazines at the ready?
It's only ten ounces (I'll correct shortly). I can already feel the spirit moving.
When my wife asked me what I needed for The Big Day, I asked for very light reading with very short articles...People, Entertainment Weekly, ESPN the Magazine. I hope you had something enjoyable.
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