necessary, justifiable, and entirely proper

Naomi has a recommendation for a verbose Canadian scholar:

... I move we put the following proposition to a vote: before your essays are published and distributed to bleary-eyed college seniors across the globe, you will be required to don a chicken suit and read your paper aloud before a panel of editors. Every time you use a word of more than five syllables, spontaneously generate a term entirely outside the parlance of political science when an established one will do just fine, or find you've turned blue in the face before you can finish reading a sentence, you must drink a single shot of tequila. If you are still ambulatory when the paper's finished, it goes to press. If not, we mass-produce the videotape and sell it in college bookstores nationwide.

But why limit punitive measures to Mr. Gill? Academics everywhere need strong medicine.