JIM ANDERSON
CORRUGATED TIMES-DISPATCH
NEW YORK -- In a surprise move, the Sesame Street Workshop announced that its lovable blue mascot, Cookie Monster, will no longer employ vernacular, slang, non-standard, or merely crappy grammar.
"I love cookies, and 'cookies' starts with 'c,'" Monster stated at today's press conference. "And if reducing my cookie intake will help save children's waistlines, cleaning up my garbled syntax will improve their linguistic capabilities. Which also starts with 'c.'"
Researchers at the Carnation Institude for Development applauded the announcement. Marla Kazner, Ph.D., pointed to studies linking television habits and test performance. "Students raised on a steady diet of Sesame Street can't form coherent sentences, although they can count real good. Really good. Really well."
Jacob Sullum of Reason reacted with skepticism. "How about just turning off the TV? If kids are learning grammar only from a televised blue furball, God help us."
"He's going to eat less cookies--fewer cookies--less cookies? Fewer? Is that right?" said Workshop spokesperson Marvin Bickle. "And he's also going to make fewer--less?--fewer grammatical errors."
"Dammit," Bickle added.
1 comment:
this joke is sooooo BAD!!
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