eight reasons to love the internet

1. Netflix

To wax derivative, "the original and best," perfect for the misanthrope who despises the long drive, the longer lines, the losers inhabiting video stores everywhere. Along with #2, it is the reason the Postal Service still exists. (If you don't believe me, ask an employee how they feel about those little red envelopes.) I am a true believer in Netflix; I offer praise without hope of remuneration or reward. My zealous advocacy has convinced at least one fellow English teacher to join.

2. Half.com

Half.com is a win-win-lose situation. You sell your never-gonna-read-that-again Psych 101 textbook to a student in Shreveport, who pays far less than the used price at the bookstore, and you make more than you would selling it back to yours. The only loser: the bookstore flunky who'll have to scrub toilets when his job is flushed. Capitalism sucks, but not for you.

3. Rotten Tomatoes

Let's face it: you are here because you are a sheep, or aspire to be a leader of sheep. You encourage others to share their opinions about every subject known to humanity, from hamster euthanization to Sue Bird's bare feet. Naturally, then, you want to know what movies are worth your precious pennies, so this fantastic collection of bite-sized reviews is your weekly stop-and-read. Oooh... only a fifteen percent rating... better wait 'til it's out on Netflix...

4. Fisking

When done well, it is a supreme act of love--"I care about you enough to deride you publicly by juxtaposing your silly words with my trenchant observations." Someone, somewhere, is salivating over the prospect of fisking this very list.

5. Blog memes

Chain letters without the nasty threats. The states meme. The book meme. The random questions meme. What about the meme meme?

6. Google

Sure, there's Google Scholar, and Google Images, and Froogle, and elgooG, and sure, Google knows all, sees all, archives all, but they're best for one use: authenticating originality, yours or others'.

7. The Onion, The Smoking Gun, Obscure Store

Which is more heartening: fake news, or news so impossible it can't be fake?

8. Online personals

No shame here; I am happily married to a woman who wasn't going to pay Yahoo $19.95 for a month's use until she saw my profile. Amor vincit omnia.

tears, I say

Mark Olson knows how to make an English teacher happy: by using Shakespeare as an educational form of discipline. Bravo, Mark.

A few additional pointers:

• If your child fears ghosts, show her Hamlet. Teach her to talk to ghosts, to ask them what sort of revengeful plots they have in mind.
• Romeo and Juliet has been known to turn adolescents off dating (and, to a lesser degree, Shakespeare).
• Reciting stretches of Shakespeare's more obscure work immensely impresses employers. When competition for a McDonalds slot is fierce, your teen will need the extra "edge."
• Children as young as two can recognize the moral failings of Lady Macbeth.
• Warn wayward tykes that, unless they behave, they'll be turned into donkeys, or worse: made to fall in love with them.

Christ promises Sox victory in '05

No hope for Nationals*, Mariners











*post originally read "Expos." Thanks to my sharp-eyed brother for the correction.

you get to choose

Here's a philosophical question to ponder.

Assuming they are mutually exclusive, which would you rather have: omnipotence or omniscience? Why?









Update: Two posts, two calls to "ponder." *sigh*

moment

Stop. Sit down. Read. Ponder.

appropriating a legacy

There's a reason American conservatives have been so late to join Pope John Paul's parade: he never really shared their views.

still smarter

I'm gearing up for the second installment of smarter than I, the carnival where you submit other bloggers' work. I'd like to include a new category: superior commentary. Often the best thing about a particular post is the witticism, ingenuity, or rhetoric it inspires. So, this time around, you'll be allowed two entries--your link to a posting and a comment of genius.

smarter than I is simultaneously the easiest and most difficult carnival out there. It's rather easy to send a link--and that's all you have to do. It's hard to choose just one, especially if, like most bloggers, you're addicted.

Send them to smarterthani at hotmail dot com by Wednesday, April 13, 3:00 pm PST. And thanks in advance to all those who will help spread the word.

Read the very first smarter than I here, and a statement of purpose here.

(oh, and jpe, if you still want to host, you can have #3--just email me)

Surprise Update: jpe of l'esprit d'escalier has agreed to host installment #2. Continue to send entries to smarterthani at hotmail dot com.

Cookie Monster to Adopt Standard English

News Agencies to Follow Suit

JIM ANDERSON

CORRUGATED TIMES-DISPATCH

NEW YORK -- In a surprise move, the Sesame Street Workshop announced that its lovable blue mascot, Cookie Monster, will no longer employ vernacular, slang, non-standard, or merely crappy grammar.

"I love cookies, and 'cookies' starts with 'c,'" Monster stated at today's press conference. "And if reducing my cookie intake will help save children's waistlines, cleaning up my garbled syntax will improve their linguistic capabilities. Which also starts with 'c.'"

Researchers at the Carnation Institude for Development applauded the announcement. Marla Kazner, Ph.D., pointed to studies linking television habits and test performance. "Students raised on a steady diet of Sesame Street can't form coherent sentences, although they can count real good. Really good. Really well."

Jacob Sullum of Reason reacted with skepticism. "How about just turning off the TV? If kids are learning grammar only from a televised blue furball, God help us."

"He's going to eat less cookies--fewer cookies--less cookies? Fewer? Is that right?" said Workshop spokesperson Marvin Bickle. "And he's also going to make fewer--less?--fewer grammatical errors."

"Dammit," Bickle added.

Dave Barry couldn't make this up

A while ago my younger sister was complaining about Portland's menacing squirrel population, which I (of course) laughed off. Imagine it: cute rodents lined up, blocking a trail, chuttering and shaking their bushy bushy tails. Nothing to fear, right?

Wrong. Especially when they're packing AKs.

[thanks to Matt Welch]

fake memo actually real

Well, duh.

blast from the past

Eight months ago I posted a brief review of Jaegwon Kim's Philosophy of Mind. Since then a chess-by-mail discussion about varieties of dualism has built up slowly in the comments section, with the most recent entry by Victor Reppert (author of C.S. Lewis's Dangerous Idea).

Read up and join the conversation here.

it takes two to tangle

If you still have a Carnival deficit, Respectful Ignorance is hosting the latest and greatest Tangled Bank. [hat tip: PZ Myers]

Update: The ninth Carnival of Education is up as well. [via Jenny D.]

smarter than I inaugural edition

"Okay, discussion time," Mr. Anderson barked, and his 4th-period digital literature class grudgingly set down their pens and arranged their desks in an oblong facsimile of a circle. "Today we're talking about good writing. Did you remember to bring your homework, your example to share with the class?"

Mark Olson raised his hand. "What homework?--just kiddin', Mr. A." Mark cleared his throat. "This one's pretty good. 'Yes, I watch far too much television. And my tastes are not those, in general, of this blog's audience. But, you know, TV isn't all that bad if you don't turn your mind off.' It's part of a fascinating article called Mason, Rockfish & Nursing, by Ginny of Chicago Boyz. The title's great--and you'd never guess what the article is really about."

"Which is...?"

"Nuh-uh," Mark replied. "Gotta go read it."

Tom Harrison broke in. "And I quote: 'There have been far too many harsh words thrown back and forth over Terri Schiavo. To my chagrin, it is my side that has initiated most of the hostility, but the other side has gotten in its licks. This is a plea for some mutual understanding.' That's from the other side of Terri Schiavo, by Dave Gudeman. Not everything has been said about Schiavo. Until now, maybe."

"I have a feeling you're right, Tom. These are interesting choices so far. More?"

The stentorian voice of PZ Myers boomed across the circle. "'Spring is finally slinking into the northeast, and the backyard wildlife here is shaking off the winter torpor. Our oldest daughter, Charlotte--' (the class snickered)-- 'is now old enough to be curious about this biological exuberance. She likes to tell stories about little subterranean families of earthworm mommies and grub daddies, cram grapes in her cheeks in imitation of the chipmunks, and ask again and again about where the birds spend Christmas. This is, of course, hog heaven for a geeky science-writer father like myself--' (more snickering)-- 'but there is one subject that I hope she doesn't ask me about: how the garden snails have babies. Because then I would have to explain about the love darts.'" (General uproar.)

"Shhh, shhh," said Mr. Anderson, repeating his favorite phrase. "Well-read, PZ. A delightful excerpt from Carl Zimmer's Love Darts in the Backyard. (Uproar again.) "Okay, okay, shhh. Who's next?" He scanned the room, looking for someone making the mistake of eye contact. "Ah. Kathy B. What did you bring today?"

Kathy frowned only slightly. "Well, I was on a technical kick, reading John Darnielle's really really brilliant essay, Bits, about digital versus analog, or as he calls it, 'That hoariest of chestnuts.' I'll read a sample passage: 'Which is why there was no point in shifting away in the first place; digital's big PR point, or one of them, was that it was gonna democratize things. You wouldn't have to buy big expensive consoles, you wouldn't have to know a Neumann from an AKG, you wouldn't have to become tech-nerd-guy if you didn't want to. You'd have More Power.'"

"I like that last phrase. Very Monster-Monster-Monster Trucks," Mr. Anderson responded, pointing to Ryan Fenno, who now had his hand in the air.

"I don't have a selection to read," Ryan said, "but I'll describe it. Reverend Mykeru's tagline 'Serenity Through Viciousness' is in lights for The Right Wing's Persistent Vegetative State. Although it was written prior to Schiavo's passing, it really gives a great snapshot of how the blogosphere--especially the right wing political sector--dealt with the controversy."

"So I was right. There still is more to say about Terri Schiavo--yes, Matt?"

"This ought to sound familiar," replied another Anderson. "'Submissions must not be your own. Sorry. That's what other carnivals are for. Choose the best post you've read in the past week or two, perhaps with a brief (1-2 sentence) description or shout-out. There are no other criteria--just good writing, wherever you can find it.'"

"Leave it to our resident philosopher to bring a self-referential example," Mr. Anderson said, laughing. "All right--" he glanced at the roll sheet--"who hasn't shared yet? All the way at the end of the alphabet... Zivkovic. Bora Zivkovic."

"More Schiavo, I'm afraid. jonnybutter isn't too thrilled with Peggy Noonan, and takes a swipe at Nat Hentoff, too. Ranting, I believe, is the right word to describe this: 'Originally, I had a little delayed gratification here, tantalizing the reader with anticipation for the creamy-goodness, the sheer sugar-and-spice girlish charm of Noonan's piece to come. I'd had a brief detour into a column by legend-in-his-own-mind Nat Hentoff , who, as a 60s NYC hipster, I felt simply must be paired with Peggy in the context of this post. But...I thought better of it. Hentoff's column really didn't add anything, and was just full of stock lies you can read anywhere...' Ouch."

"Sounds a little like Mencken," Mr. Anderson said. "If you're in the mood for withering prose, you'll appreciate Ed Brayton's welcome-back to Alan Keyes." (From somewhere in the circle: "Who's Mencken?" "You'll know when you're older.")

jpe waited patiently until finally jumping into the conversation. "My hard drive crashed last night, so I had to go on the library computer and dig up something quick during ten-minute break. How about K-punk's theory-ish, counterintuitive reading of ethics and the family?"

"Sounds like--" and the bell rang, cutting Mr. Anderson short. As the students shuffled toward the door, he called out, "Don't forget next week's discussion." When the last backpack disappeared, he collapsed at his desk, worn out from the first-ever smarter than I.



EXTRA CREDIT

Match some of our contributors with their very own blogs!

____ Mere Orthodoxy
____ Science and Politics
____ Pharyngula
____ L'esprit d'escalier
____ Imposter Syndrome

a) jpe
b) Matt Anderson
c) Ryan Fenno
d) PZ Myers
e) Bora Zivkovic

---

Thanks to everyone who contributed to the very first smarter than I; I'll be adding to my blogroll because of your choices. Thanks also for the publicity, which will continue to be a large factor in this carnival's growth.

The purpose is simple:

We already have enough carnivals where bloggers trumpet their own work. Let's share the love. I propose a new carnival titled "smarter than I," in recognition of those who are too humble, too busy, or too shy to submit their tidbits of genius.

You, too, can join in the fun. If you'd like to host a future smarter than I, email me at smarterthani at hotmail.com.

Send in your links for next time as well. Untapped talent is everywhere. Go find it!

at it again

Joe Carter is hosting another symposium.

For this quarter, I’ve decided to broaden the topic around the theme of Judeo-Christian morality in an ethically pluralistic society. Entries can explore the history of the concept, the applications toward public policy, the best means of arguing for it in the public square, or anything else that you choose.

Go forth and post.

on the way

We're starting small, but smarter than I will be ready for action pretty soon. It's technically too late to send in a link, but if you get it to smarterthani at hotmail dot com in the next few hours, I'll make a way to fit yours in...

smarter than I

We already have enough carnivals where bloggers trumpet their own work. Let's share the love. I propose a new carnival titled "smarter than I," in recognition of those who are too humble, too busy, or too shy to submit their tidbits of genius.

Guidelines:

Submissions must not be your own. Sorry. That's what other carnivals are for. Choose the best post you've read in the past week or two, perhaps with a brief (1-2 sentence) description or shout-out. There are no other criteria--just good writing, wherever you can find it.

Submissions must include the post's title along with a working link, and may include a one- or two-sentence summary. I reserve the right to edit for grammar, spelling, and clarity. If I can't accept your link, I'll be sure to let you know exactly why.

Send your entries to smarterthanI at hotmail dot com by 3 pm PST, Monday, April 4. Pass the word along, too, if you get the hankerin'.

Update: Unless I'm petitioned for an extension, I hope to have the Carnival up by Tuesday. Thanks to Mark Olson of Pseudo-Polymath for sending in the first entry. Keep 'em comin'...

Update Update: Thanks to all the bloggers who've linked to this so far (including those I've missed), and for all those who've sent in their suggestions. So far, most of the entries are from lesser-known blogs, which is exactly what I'd hoped. smarterthanI at hotmail dot com...

Update cubed:
More thanks are in order. Remember, all you have to do is send a link. That's it. I'll do all the rest of the work, at no cost or obligation to you.

smarterthanI at hotmail dot com... only seven hours remain...

what's that on your face?

People are too polite.

I never thought I'd say it, but it's true.

A couple years ago, I marched around a college campus for an entire day with an embarrassing brown stain all over my chin. I had whacked myself shaving, but thought I had successfully stanched the blood before heading out. It wasn't until I returned to my apartment that I saw the massive brown streak, and wondered why no one said a word--not my roommates, my professors, my friends, total strangers, not anybody.

For who knows how long, this site has looked like crap in Internet Explorer. Is everyone using Firefox or Opera or Safari, is my laptop the problem, or are all of you just too nice to point out the obvious?

Your criticism, please. I can take it.

I get it. I don't get it.

This fascinating article from NewScientist points to one of the primary difficulties in artificial intelligence research: getting computers to recognize context clues. Companies want cheaper, faster ways to figure out if they're getting good or bad press.

So Corpora has come up with a program called Sentiment, which uses algorithms to tease out grammatical components, such as nouns, verbs and adjectives, and identify the subjects and objects of verbs. It can even analyse pronouns like “it”, “he” and “her” to work out what words or concepts they are referring to.

Having an understanding of grammatical structure makes it possible to filter out words that are not relevant to the sentiment of the article, Jacobi says. So instead of assuming certain words, such as “unpredictable” or “rubbish”, are positive or negative it allows the structural context to disambiguate them....

What makes this kind of analysis so challenging is that key words in a text often offer no clues as to what sentiment they carry. Some of the toughest challenges to comprehension, such as identifying irony and rhetoric, are likely to remain unsolved for some time.

How do you teach a computer to recognize that "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? Perhaps irony is a sort of absolute value function--remember those from Algebra I?--where |-5| = 5. So, in order to help teach computers to recognize sarcasm and other forms of irony, let's slightly modify Josh Greenman's idea, and surround ironic statements with absolute value functions. |The future of artificial intelligence is now.|

yet another way to while away the hours

Join in the fun!

dying in the light

Luis Alberto Urrea, The Devil's Highway

Its substance is violent: twenty-six migrants, led by a perniciously naive Coyote, try to enter El Norte through a stretch of impassable desert known as El Camino Diablo.... [read more]