wraps, sandwiches, burritos, gyros, and the law

Via Obscure Store, one of the more interesting legal rulings to come down in recent memory.

The burrito brouhaha began when Panera, one of the country's biggest bakery cafes, argued that owners of the White City Shopping Center in Shrewsbury violated a 2001 lease agreement that restricted the mall from renting to another sandwich shop. When the center signed a lease this year with Qdoba, Panera balked, saying the Mexican chain's burritos violate its sandwich exclusivity clause.

Not so, Qdoba countered, submitting affidavits from high-profile experts in the restaurant and food industry. "I know of no chef or culinary historian who would call a burrito a sandwich," Schlesinger said in his affidavit. "Indeed, the notion would be absurd to any credible chef or culinary historian."

In his ruling, Locke cited Webster's definition of a sandwich and explained that the difference comes down to two slices of bread versus one tortilla: "A sandwich is not commonly understood to include burritos, tacos, and quesadillas, which are typically made with a single tortilla and stuffed with a choice filling of meat, rice, and beans," he wrote....

Judith A. Quick, who previously worked as a deputy director of the Standards and Labeling Division at the US Department of Agriculture, said in her affidavit: "The USDA views a sandwich as a separate and distinct food product from a burrito or taco."

We'll never mind wraps, hot dogs, gyros, and other gray areas. If we can't distinguish a sandwich from a burrito, there is no hope for us. Period.

I got a link

Thanks to The Rain of I Thought a Think for kind words and a permalink. He also says what I've been thinking:

To those who would lambast the WEA for spending their money mainly on democratic candidates I would ask this: where the hell do you expect them to spend the money? Here in Spokane, for example, there was a contested State House race between Brad Benson, the Republican incumbent, and Chris Marr, the democratic challenger. Benson hates public education by any measure—should the WEA and WEA-PAC have supported him, just to appear fair?

Update: Oh, and Dr. Homeslice has the latest Union Bouquet up. Somehow I missed it.

I will miss Donald Rumsfeld

Rumsfeld's pronouncements always had the ring of poetry, as Hart Seely so capably demonstrated years ago. (See also here.) One of my favorite Rumsfeldisms: "Clarity."

I think what you'll find,
I think what you'll find is,
Whatever it is we do substantively,
There will be near-perfect clarity
As to what it is.

And it will be known,
And it will be known to the Congress,
And it will be known to you,
Probably before we decide it,
But it will be known.

Such perfect epistrophe, such a ringing conclusion.

One of my favorite lessons is to have my students read these poems--without attribution or identification--and judge them as poetry. If they find them profound, I laugh uproariously. (On the inside.)

Internets Go Liberal

JOSH COLE, On Assignment

CORRUGATED TIMES-DISPATCH

November 9, 2006

THE INTERNETS -- In what some pundits are calling a sweeping election, the Democratic party has gained control of the Senate, House, at least six governorships, and, inexplicably, the entirety of the internets.

After Tuesday, tube surfers across the country began to suffer anomalous and troubling glitches. "I was just staring blankly at my blog when my computer suddenly opened Word and wrote out that I should send my life savings to the Red Cross for Sudanese survivors," reported Mike Parvel, 43, of Helena, Montana.

Parvel claims his computer shocked him when he tried to shut it down, and that his Firefox start page has been permanently switched to moveon.org. When asked if this could be the result of a virus, Parvel responded, "Look, we don't have the bird flu here in Big Sky Country."

Similar experiences were reported in Louisiana, Texas, Arizona, and Rhode Island. Internet service providers and software companies quickly moved to deny allegations of a conspiracy. Pundits said the same. "What we're seeing is bottom-up netroots activism," said Marvin Kissmelitas, of Daily Kiss, a well-known political blog. "I had no idea it didn't require people."

Only two days after the election, Congress has been quick to react. Senator Ted Stevens (R-AK) declared, "The internets are--is--are--a national treasure. We, Republicans and Democrats alike, must fight to keep these tubes clean and free from danger."

Stevens added, "With the usual Democratic way of doing things, we can expect to see this problem for a long time to come."

In a prepared statement, California's governor Arnold Schwarzenegger urged Americans to fight back against the machines, pledging to support a scrappy band of survivors led by a punk teenager.

actually, MSNBC, duct tape can cure warts

Why you should never uncritically accept the scientific findings offered in the media: they can be wrong in ways you'd never imagine.

Witness MSNBC, reporting a Dutch researcher's claim that, contrary to popular belief, duct tape doesn't cure warts.

The report abstract reveals why the study was a failure: the scientists used the wrong methods. They applied duct tape one night per week for six weeks.

How do I know they were wrong? Because I've fixed my own raging plantar warts using duct tape.

I had a cluster of plantar warts on the ball of my right foot, about the size of a half dollar, for over five years. Only this past summer did I decide to treat the warts, since they weren't going away on their own. I studied up on the duct tape cure, and followed a strict regimen for four months. They have nearly entirely disappeared. Here's what I did:

1. First, I soaked my foot for twenty minutes, and then used a nail file to debride (scrape off) the top layer of skin on the warts. (Eventually I switched to a pumice stone, which works much, much better.)

2. After drying the skin, I applied duct tape, and wore it 24-7, taking tape with me wherever I went, reapplying it as soon as it fell off (which it did, fairly often). That roll was a permanent fixture in my life for months. Don't believe me? Ask my wife.

3. Every six days or so, I would remove the tape, soak my feet again, and scrape off the skin, repeating the process.

After four months, I am nearly free of plantar warts, for the cost of a roll of duct tape and a few hours spent caring for my feet.

Duct tape works wonders, but you have to do it right.

Update: Even a cursory rendering of previous research shows a huge discrepancy in methodology.

Update II: The WebMD report paints a much better picture of the Dutch study. However, this method still isn't good enough:

Once a week, the children uncovered the wart, soaked it in warm water for five minutes, then rubbed the wart gently with a pumice stone.

You have to soak for at least 15 minutes to soften the skin, and rub vigorously with a pumice stone. It's not easy to remove the top layer of (dead, stinking) wart.

(Better wash your hands well, too.)

Adam Morrison Watch: Day 8

Charlotte lost. Morrison posted 12 on abysmal shooting (2-11). But hey, dude's averaging 15 pts per game off the bench.

Meanwhile, the bigger question: how will Gonzaga fare in his absence?

The Zags, who open Friday night against Eastern Washington, lost Morrison and J.P. Batista, who combined were worth 47.5 points and 14.9 rebounds per game.

But after four Sweet 16 appearances in eight seasons, the bar has been set. Nobody really believes Gonzaga is ever rebuilding.

Truth is, they're undergoing the next thing to it. Take the loss of Morrison and Batista and a non-league schedule that can only be termed frightful, and the Zags appear to be in for a season in which some lumps are coming.

But in their best-case scenario, that means growing and learning and again being a factor come March.

"I would say so," said Few. "I think it's a year when we'll have to be really, really disciplined and detailed, really tight with all our execution on offense, defense and rebounding — and hoping the whole is so much greater than the sum of the parts."

early morning links

First, Skeptics' Circle #47 is... a cartoon. Graphic novel? Cool, no matter whatchacallit. (Regular linky version here.)


Also, "evangelical leftist" Naomi has a new blog. (I kept linking to the old one, hoping she would resurrect it. This is the next best thing.)

Update: Never mind. She's moved to True Stories From An Evangelical Democrat, because Blogger Beta offers more featurism. Good call, Naomi.

hello, alternative assessment

So far, after two tries, less than 60% of Washington's class of 2008 are on track to graduate.

Adding the August WASL results to those who passed the test in the spring, 87.2 percent have passed reading, 85.7 percent have passed writing and 57.7 percent have passed math.

Even if we don't scrap the test, shouldn't it come under pretty heavy scrutiny? Are Washington's other math scores--the SAT, the ITBS, CAT, whatever--that far off? Is it possible that the WASL is just too tough for normal students?

(I don't know from experience, never having taken it, and never having taught math. I welcome your learned insights.)

new Juneau high school not called Capital

No doubt swayed by my compelling arguments and crystalline prose, the good people of Juneau decided to name their new high school Thunder Mountain. Let the metaphors commence.

Tuesday's tie

If you're bummed about the election, how about a polyester pick-me-up?

Cross-posted at that political panacea, Mr. A's world of tacky ties.

Rumsfeld resigns... for real

In the stupidest political move ever, Rumsfeld has resigned after the election. If he had vamoosed before...

1. Republicans would have stuck with Bush, declaring Rumsfeld a man of principle.

2. Democrats would have lost their biggest reason for winning.

Why, why, why didn't Rumsfeld resign before the election?

(So much for satire.)

behold my not-so-amazing powers

I called for the defeat of I-920, and lo: it was defeated. Quite handily at that.

I predicted Cantwell over McGavick, 53-47. Net result: Cantwell 57, McGavick 39. (All other federal results there, too; absentee ballots aren't done, though, so keep an eye on the close ones.)

Find other state election results here.

pro-ID candidates bite the dust

Reason for optimism. Ed Brayton:

In Michigan, Dick DeVos, the pro-ID candidate for governor, was voted down by a wide margin.... It also looks as though Democrats took control of the state House of Representatives for the first time in 8 years, which should reduce the pro-ID activity we've had to battle constantly for the past few years in this state.

In Ohio, Deborah Owens Fink went down in flames, losing to Tom Sawyer and getting less than 30% of the vote. Huge victory for my friends at Ohio Hope. Pro-science candidate Sam Schloemer also won election to the state Board of Education. Following on the heels of what happened in Kansas, this is a big reason to celebrate. Congratulations to Patricia Princehouse, Steve Rissing, Dick Hoppe and everyone else in Ohio who worked so hard to make that happen. Also religious right looney and darling of the televangelists Ken Blackwell lost his bid for governor by a huge margin....

And pro-ID Senator Rick Santorum went down and went down hard, about 60-40. Good riddance.

And cynicism. P.Z. Myers:

The side of science has seen mixed results. Santorum's gone, the Ohio races that pitted creationists against pro-science moderates seem to have all broken for the good guys, but Kansas has opted to support their creationist candidates. The fact that Bachmann could get elected in my state is discouraging: she's a flaming anti-science, pro-god kook. Being an irrational nut is still not an obstacle to getting elected, apparently.

meet the new boss

Give me a "G!" Give me an "R!" Give me an "IDLOCK!"

Finally, nothing can get done--nothing that can't compel compromise.

It is a great day for America.

why I'm not watching the election returns

1. I'm too busy. Grading, for one, and prepping for the speech tournament this weekend (that is, if Puyallup isn't entirely washed away by then). Twenty-four competitors this Saturday--our largest group in my five years of coaching.

2. Mail-in voting in Washington state means the results won't be official tomorrow, so why get excited? If it takes a postmark, it's just not as sexy.

3. Litigation everywhere else means the outcome won't be certain until the Super Bowl.

4. I already did my part. I opined. I bloviated. I voted. What more can I do?

5. I am typing this post. If I don't look at the screen, I won't see those neat little red lines when I misspell something in Firefox 2.0. (Worth the upgrade for that feature alonne.)

6. Yes, that was a purposeful typo.

7. I am too bummed out that my most popular post of the last six months involves an astrological prediction for the 2006 gubernatorial election in Michigan.

8. I have a dinner date downtown.

mmm... Spaghetti Bowl

Since I am consciously refusing to follow election results or punditize further, I thought I'd link to a pithy write-up of one of Capital High School's best traditions.

Q: If you could see only one regular-season high-school football game each year and had to make your decision years in advance, which game would it be?

A: Olympia vs. Capital. It's hard to beat rivalries in towns that have two high schools. Even though Capital is now Class 3A and Olympia is 4A, this game still has plenty of juice.

The fact these are big schools always ensures that there will be some good athletes on the field. This game is called the "Spaghetti Bowl," and two Rotary clubs in Olympia sponsor a pregame community spaghetti feed that raises money for scholarships at both schools. At halftime, both bands perform together.

I can't even imagine how this might happen in the political arena, especially around an election.

(If you missed this year's Spaghetti Bowl, you'll have to wait 'til September '07.)

then the rains came

And boy, did they ever.

Sinkholes. Mudslides. Flooding. A state of emergency.

And if you didn't rake a drain, it's your fault.

my last drop of punditry before the deluge: Election 2006 prediction

We're going to be flooded later today, or early tomorrow, if the weather holds. Perhaps God is telling us something--"elect Democrats, and I'll rescind my promise"--or perhaps not.

Better than any astrologer or prophet, though, is the well-armed pundit. Not armed with polls, which are fickle, but with facts.

In fact, there is but one fact that gives a clear indication of the upcoming Democratic victory.

Fact: This weekend, despite appearing in only 800-odd theaters, Borat was the number one movie in America.

Don't forget to mail your ballot today. That is all.

bring a gun, lose your job

The teacher in question brought a gun to campus to protect herself from her abusive spouse. No one got hurt, and the teacher eventually resigned. The ultimate result: Lacey schools are considering making gun toting a firing offense. (Couldn't avoid the pun. Didn't want to.)

When everyone else is debating whether teachers and staff should carry guns to protect students against aggressors, especially since "gun free zone" means "free pass for psychos," it fascinates me that Lacey's debate goes in the exact opposite direction--and fascinates me more that The Olympian article doesn't even consider that angle, and whether Washington's law establishing "gun free zones" is any good.

Oh, and for the record, I keep a plastic sword in my classroom, in case I'm ever attacked by civil war re-enactors.

Sunday's required reading

The hope and hype of the "small schools" movement is ably dissected by Linda Shaw in this morning's Seattle Times.

The experiment — an attempt to downsize the American high school — has proven less successful than hoped.

The changes were often so divisive — and the academic results so mixed — that the Gates Foundation has stopped always pushing small as a first step in improving big high schools. Instead, it's now also working directly on instruction, giving grants to improve math and science instruction, for example.

Most of the dozen-and-a-half Washington schools with so-called "conversion" grants have ended up only as hybrids — a mix of small-school elements added to big-school features.