e-neo-ough

You are allowed only one neo- per noun.




[via Mark Frauenfelder of BoingBoing]

catchphrases to drop as if hot

One more linguistic entry for today: Ron Rosenbaum wants to know which catchphrases have been completely cliched out.

There's Stage 1, when you first hear a phrase and take pleasure in its imaginative use of language on the literal and metaphorical level. This may not be the most beguiling example, but consider "throw up a little in my mouth." I'm still kind of attached to it.

Then there's Stage 2, when you use it to establish "street cred" (time to throw "street cred" under the catchphrase bus?) or convey a sense of being au courant.

Then there's Stage 3, when the user acknowledges a phrase's over-ness and tries to extract some final mileage out of it by gently mocking it, usually by using ironic quotes, or adding "as they say" to the end.

Finally, there's Stage 4: terminal obsolence, dead phrase walking. Take "at the end of the day." It kind of stuns me whenever I find someone still saying "at the end of the day" with a straight face. What are they, stuck on stupid, as they say?

Rosenbaum ends with questions rather than ordinances. What, he asks, are we to do with "stay classy," "up in your grill," "overshare," "tell us something we don't know," "man up," "go-to," "drinking the Kool-Aid," or "mad props," among so many others?

So, for his and your edification, some edicts:

1. Permitted
Stay classy, overshare, go-to.

2. Forbidden
Up in your grill, tell us something we don't know, man up, drinking the Kool-Aid, mad props.

Complete list of bans and moratoria here.

the vampire math fallacy in action, again

I don't understand the attraction of "vampire math." It's clearly fallacious, and it leads otherwise reasonable people to make goofy claims. Case in point: Joe Carter.

At first glance this seems so obvious as to be unworthy of notice. Since we humans do, in fact, continue to exist, it shouldn't be surprising that vampires (and other V-class objects) do not exist. But this begs the question of why humans exist and V-class objects do not. Their existence is, after all, as probable (or improbable) as the existence of humans. And the non-existence of any V-class objects is as statistically improbable as the aligning of dozens of independent physical constants that give rise to life.

The anthropic principle could therefore be restated as claiming that the existence of human life requires both (a) the alignment of several cosmological, chemical, and physical constants and (b) the non-existence of all V-class objects. The probability that each of these stochastically independent events could align precisely as they have, without any intervention, is roughly 0 -- in other words, it can't happen. The evidence therefore points to "fine-tuning" of these conditions.

As I point out on Joe's site, the range of conceivable V-class objects is infinite; thus, it's impossible to calculate their probability, or improbability.

Whenever you have the urge to invoke vampire math, resist it. Please.

ban "meh?" meh.

The title is just a flame-beg, which is also banned. As for "Meh:"

But as an interjection into a discussion, “meh” encapsulates a lot of what’s wrong with on-line discourse. What it really expresses is this: “I have no strong opinion about what the rest of you are discussing, and none of you know who I am anyway, but I’ve got 10 seconds to spare and I like to type.”

The ban, and its concurrent prohibitions, are wholeheartedly endorsed by this blog.

God is on the phone

A painfully unfunny comedy roundup.


Taylor Mason--er, God--answers the tough questions.



The crew at Cutekatelyn get "more phone calls from God." I can't imagine the first batch was any better.



Whaddaya know--God interrupts a sermon.



Mike Huckabee, 2004 Republican Governors Association.


Tired, stale, and heinous as it is, henceforth and forthwith the "call to/from God" trope is summarily banned.

Anderson's anti-drug propaganda dictum

Users of the product should never be allowed to design commercials condemning use of the product.

teacher wearing blue jeans and a tie

First, the rule: never. Never wear jeans and a neck tie. Not ever.

Second, the operating assumption: the tie is being worn in the standard fashion, not as a belt. (If a teacher is wearing "Stuff by Hillary Duff," there is no hope for humanity.) Also, let's rule out bolo ties and bow ties. The former are classy; the latter, charitable.

There may have been times when I have flouted the rule and dressed like a hipster at a nerd convention, but no more. (See Orlando Bloom, right.) Those were youthful mistakes, and in my wisdom, I now understand that ties are acceptable only when accompanied by dress slacks or khakis.

Third, the rare exception: unless you're a teacher at the School of Punk. And no, faux punk doesn't count. (See Avril Lavigne, left.)

If it's casual Wednesday, jeans are fine. If it's any given school day, a necktie is grand. But never, never, never blend denim and neckties.

Thank you.



[135th in a series]

high school graduation poems

A quick and easy guide.

1. Poems should be read more often at high school graduation.

2. Poems written by the speaker should never be read, unless the speaker is Maya Angelou.

3. Poems that do not rhyme should be chosen above poems that do. Poems that rhyme in iambic pentameter, though, should be chosen above all other poems. Villanelles, in particular, make excellent selections.

4. Poems explicitly about high school graduation are forbidden.

5. Oh, The Places You'll Go! is anathema, and all who read it are consigned to the darkest, hottest corner of hell.

Update: 6. More hints, tips, and rules here.


[134th in a series]

eleventh, they came for the...

I declare an immediate and total ban on the phrase, "First they came for the..." The ban will exist in perpetuity. Violators will be shamed.


See also: previous calls for moratoria on "the last acceptable prejudice" and "The Passion of the..."

flogged into cliché

I hereby declare a two-year moratorium on all parodic use of "The passion of..." and "The passion of the...," excepting direct references to "The Passion of Joan of Arc" or "The Passion of the Christ." Violators will be subject to fines, imprisonment, or both.

another reason for a moratorium on meaningless rankings

...comes from Marsha Richards of Sound Politics. Using rankings allows the opposition a cheap and easy rebuttal that distracts from the key issue: how much education funding is enough?

No more rankings!

a new school funding initiative for Washington State

Update: Welcome, Sound Politics readers. As a teacher and WEA member, I appreciate your comments and criticism.

The initiative, yet to be numbered, may turn out to be wildly popular, simply because it's simple. Schools will be obligated to spend sixty-five percent of their income on classroom instruction.

Classroom instructional spending is defined in the proposal as including teacher and aide pay, textbooks, distance learning expenses, field trips and supplies. The initiative excludes construction costs, principal salaries and interest payments on debt.

Sixty-five percent seems eminently reasonable. Sixty-five. The bulk. Almost two thirds. That's where the money ought to go, right?

I'm not quite sure.

A few observations.

First, can we forever banish 50-state ranking statistics, throw them in the burn barrel where they belong? Someone has to be ranked fiftieth, unless all states spend the same amount, dollar-for-dollar, which will never happen. Imagine if every state spent upwards of $15,000 per student per year. Would the citizens of Mississippi really care if they ranked last at that point? Furthermore, rankings that don't factor in cost-of-living adjustments are worse than useless. Let's talk about benchmarks, baselines. Relative assessments are essentially meaningless.

Second, why sixty-five percent? The reasoning behind the initiative: the top four states all spend at least 65% of their funds "in the classroom." But when we look at what "in the classroom" means, we find some interesting descriptions.

Classroom Teachers, Personnel
General Instruction Supplies
Instructional Aides
Activities -- Field Trips, Athletics, Music, Arts
Tuition Paid to Out-of State Districts & Private Institutions for Special Needs Students

The "activities" portion is a trifle disingenuous. While activities undoubtedly boost academic performance--you'd better pass if you want to head the lacrosse squad--they're hardly in any normal definition of a "classroom" expenditure. Note, importantly, that the KOMO article doesn't specifically mention sports as an in-class "activity."

Lastly, I won't complain if the initiative passes and leads to real changes in the standard delivery model. But I'd imagine that creative accounting practices would be the first resort of districts hard-pressed by debt or otherwise pressed for cash.

damned inactivist judges

First shot back across the bow, or just another maverick day for Oregon? That state's highest court has declared gay marriages void--by unanimous decision.

Can we shut up about "judicial activism" already?

facts are stupid things

Jeers for the next person who claims that "judicial activism" is ruining the country, or that "unelected judges" threaten the Republic.