coming clean: I am one source of the Discovery Institute's secret research

Steve Reuland doesn't think much of Bruce Chapman's claims that the Discovery Institute's research into Intelligent Design (ID) is going on in secret, for fear of censorship by the Darwinian Establishment.

Reuland, though, is wrong to dismiss Chapman as a paranoid "fool." You see, I am one of those secret scientists, testing the predictions of ID and writing papers, waiting for the right time to expose the fraud that is Darwinism.

I can no longer sit in silence while my colleagues are assailed for their assiduous efforts. Though I place my integrity and my career on the line, I'm no longer afraid. Today I stand up to be counted. Today I'm coming out of the ID closet.

My Setup
Thanks to a $500,000 grant from the Discovery Institute, I have set up a laboratory in my garage, complete with beakers, Bunsen burners, nifty multicolored chemical mixtures that explode when combined, plenty of sublimating dry ice for that bubbling mad scientist effect, a gently used supercomputer waiting for the right programmer, a gigantic periodic table, an authentic replica slide rule, and last, but not least, a comfy leather chair with matching ottoman.

The grant also pays for two assistants, one to perform the experiments, and the other to make coffee and massage my feet after a hard day of calculating Complex Specified Information (CSI).

My Research
Quite frankly, there isn't much to prove. Darwinism has been so thoroughly dismantled by my colleagues--Dembski, Behe, Davison--that it sometimes seems like a fool's errand to prove ID. But I have the grant, so I suppose I'm obliged to do something.

Without going into specifics, since I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise, here are some of the studies that will be published in coming months.

"Complex Specified Information, or Specified Informed Complexity? The Difference is Substantial."

"Still Waiting: Evolving Wings on Frogs Through Genetic Mutation and Recombination."

"Life Cycle of Escherichia Coli Points to Playful Designer."

"No 'There' There: Analysis of over 50,000 Evolutionary Experiments Reveals A Dearth of Evidence."

"Retroviral Insertions in Related Species Too Similar to be the Result of Chance, Surpassing the Universal Probability Bound and Thus Proving Design."

"Laughing All the Way: Irreducible Core Components of the World's Funniest Joke."

My Prediction
Darwinism is in a permanent vegetative state. Science will pull the plug within a decade.