When I hate mankind--
which isn't often--
and never lasts long--
and the old-style gendered noun is essential--
I blame buffoons.
Buffoon #1
Driving home from Elma on Thursday night, arriving by the Pacific Avenue exit, I discover a slender chap riding his bicycle in the dark, wearing dark clothes, with no reflectors, only visible because my headlights are right on him. He's having trouble with the slight slope. I wait patiently, thinking if he'll just stay in his lane I can pass him on the left, and then slowly make my move--when all of a sudden he veers over and cuts me off. I honk my horn to let him know I'm behind him, and he responds with an immediate "F--- you!" followed by something inaudible and a comment about female dogs. (I'm driving my wife's car, a little Mazda with the world's least intimidating horn. If he shouts, "F--- you, roadrunner!" I'll at least respect his quick wit.)
Buffoon #2
This lazy afternoon Melissa and I are sitting in Sylvester Park by the gazebo, sipping on cranberry bubble tea from Chopsticks and reading our respective halves of The Stranger. (No, not the Camus novel.) All of a sudden a rather portly gentleman clad in a ratty gray t-shirt, gym shorts, knee-high white socks, and crosstrainers bursts out of Starbucks across the street. "Are you a redneck?" he shouts. "I'm a redneck! That's right!" He looks back, but his intended target doesn't reply, so he storms off, stopping by a store window to to preen, check his shirt, and flex.
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ReplyDeleteBuffoon #1 was drunk, is my guess. It's not illegal to drink and bike, so a lot of people commute by bike between debauches. Deserved a ticket for reckless driving, failure to signal and riding without lights and reflectors. But ethically we turn a blind eye to a lot of the criminally or otherwise offensively stupid things people do while drunk. I also think we'd all think better of the species if we made people where colored hats while drunk or drugged. What fraction of ticket vendors and telephone operators aren't stoned? So many people's jobs are so boring, you can hardly blame them.
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