proper casket viewing attire

Threads to Wear

Faux fur says, "No animal died in the making of this funeral." Sassy dressers wear tap shoes or plastic cleats (no spikes!). Henna tattoos of the deceased's initials and birthdate are always in season. If it's Oscar time, a cowboy hat is an absolute must. (But see below about chaps.) For the conservative dresser, a simple mock turtleneck, bold hue, with trim slacks, dark hue, will suffice. Bell bottoms with built-in jingle-bells are haute, haute, haute. Blue jeans must be dark denim, never acid washed or patched or holey. An NFL or MLB or NCAA jersey of the deceased's favorite team is acceptable only in a playoff situation.


Rags to Avoid

Black dresses, suits, and the like stink like yesterday's newspaper--the one you wrapped a stinky dead fish in. A hat of any kind is inappropriate, religious apparel excepted. Chaps, leather especially, should be left by the door... at home. Why are you riding a hog to the funeral, anyway?

Colors to Wear

Burnt sienna, umber, chalk, pastel pink, navy blue, cadet blue, chartreuse, nacho cheese, pine, lavendar, sage, gray, grey, chrome, maroon, camouflage, denim, cornflower blue, Easter egg yellow, mocha (no room for cream).

Tones to Avoid

Eggplant, royal blue, sky blue, Pepto-Bismol pink, orange, fire engine red, fire engine yellow, purple, jaundice, black.




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