Jun 18, 2005

Jesus's cryptic parables

Standing on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, Jesus preached to thousands of onlookers, who were waiting for his next miracle. Seeing what they had come for, Jesus decided to dispense wisdom instead, in the form of memorable stories called parables.

"To what shall I liken the kingdom of God? It is a ball of snow rolling down a mountainside, starting small, but growing to gigantic proportions as it gathers more and more snow to its bosom."

Several hands went up. "Teacher, what is snow?"

"It cold, white, and flaky," Jesus said.

"And every snowflake is unique, which must also be significant," Peter added.

Jesus glowered at him and returned to parabolizing. "The kingdom of God is like a man who went to the ATM machine and couldn't remember his PIN number--"

"Lord," said the disciple, "'ATM machine' and 'PIN number' are both redundant, because 'ATM' stands for--"

"The kingdom of God is like a cheese grater," Jesus continued, ignoring the interruption. "Though it grates cheese, yea, it is good for shredding potatoes as well."

Jesus moved through the crowd, grabbing a sandwich from an unsuspecting bystander. "A certain accountant was visiting his mother-in-law in Capernaum. When he arrived at the gate, three small, yapping dogs attacked him, biting his ankles and sending him scurrying away. The accountant called the woman from the safety of a neighbor's house, but she did not answer the phone because the television was turned up too loud. So it is in the kingdom of God."

"Lord, that doesn't make any sense," said Peter.

"It isn't supposed to," Jesus replied.

[twenty-fourth in a series]


Anonymous said...

you call this funny?
this is a pure mudslinging against the greatest person in history. You will burn in hell if you do not repent

Anonymous said...

Mmm... so what?

Anonymous said...

Actually, my theology studies suggested that Jesus enjoyed making obscure jokes and did a fair bit of mud slinging too; sometimes people's blindspots got healed when he did. Thought the little tale was fun to read. Personally i think the kingdom of God is like a broken-down mercedes, just as you're about to gloat there'll be someone along to fix it.

Anonymous said...

well... hell wont be nice.. dont be looking forward to it... I hope you find Jesus because He is amazing... He loves you... and He will forgive you...

Anonymous said...

Hmmm ... fascinating take on the Kingdom of God :)


P.S. Dear Anonymous, why not put your name to your comments? I don't think the Jesus you claim to defend would be so spineless.

Anonymous said...

never take the words of the greater one and make jokes. jesus is not someone to joke around with for he is the way the truth and the life for he has the key to make anyone die or live. so pliz if you want to have a betterlife stop the mocking.